


The Healer and The Demon

by Hachiya_Camus



Series: One Journey Traveled Separately [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awakening references in one chapter, BOTH, Blue Lions Byleth, Budding Romance, Byleth acts a wee bit different than her canon personality, Byleth struggles with emotions, Canon Compliant, Depression, Ever wonder what happened between the timeskip?, Extreme abuse of the Ashen Demon nickname by the author, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Garreg Mach Ball, Goddess Tower, Inventing swear words, Is it just me or is Mercedes ignored?, Loneliness, Maybe - Freeform, Minor canon divergence in later chapters, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Psychological, She also offers “Insightful” commentary, Some fluff here, Sothis ends up a third wheel, Spoilers, Switches between POVS, Tags will be added, Third Person POV, Unhelpful tags, angst with no comfort, here you go, merceleth, oh no, slowburn, some angst here, some horrid humor there, what am I writing, why did I post this, wtf am I tagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 23,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27095374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hachiya_Camus/pseuds/Hachiya_Camus
Summary: The Healer who happily will carry the burdens of others while her uncontrollable future terrifies her.The Demon whose solitude acts as a shield against the fear of confronting what lies in her heart.They slowly discover that together, the road ahead is nothing to be frightened of.
Relationships: Mercedes von Martritz/My Unit | Byleth
Series: One Journey Traveled Separately [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043442
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	1. Prologue - First Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series that looks at the relationships between different characters. Some expected, some unexpected, during the academy phase, war phase and everything inbetween. 
> 
> This fic is one of the more romantically forward. The summary explains everything else really.

The last thing Mercedes von Martritz wanted to obsess over was romance during her academy days. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to find a lover, it was that she wanted to enjoy her carefree days. After all, the near-future would comprise of nothing but the talk of suitors. The very thought inadvertently left the flavor of love tasting sour.

She tried to give the best advice she could come up with when Annette vented to her the woos of a teenage crush. Hid Sylvain when his “complicated” dating life caught up to him. Sometimes listened in to the other girls giggling about the latest gossip on new couples. Yet none of it made her closer to understanding that abstract word. She thought it was the same for the new professor, in fact, she’d thought she’d cared even less.

Much like how Annie came to her with her problems, she would spot Manuela raving on to the young professor, only drunker. Seeing as Byleth was a quiet woman by nature, she’d mostly just feign a listening ear while staring out the window with those ocean blue eyes. Garreg Mach had no shortage of beautiful people yet something about the mysterious professor’s looks seemed different. Maybe it was the frazzled nature of her hair, the dark colors of her eyes, and hair. How her body was so...she shrugged her head. It doesn’t seem right to think of that.

“Mercedes” The sound of someone calling out was so familiar yet she never expected for this particular voice to demand her attention. Least on their off days. “Is there any reason you’ve been staring at me?” She downcast her gaze in embarrassment. “Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I was lost in thought and didn’t know where I was looking.” The Ashen Demon retained her blank expression. “Lost in thought about this assignment from yesterday?” Now she felt not only flustered but ashamed as well. “I’m so sorry! Please don’t be mad…” “Um, it’s not due today.” That’s right, it was a Saturday. Everything about this interaction was wrong.

“You’re a bit of a scatterbrain aren’t you?” Byleth was so direct but it’s not like she’d phrase it any differently. “I do need to pay attention more don’t I?” The professor didn’t say anything in response. She stared at Mercedes for a few moments before finally speaking up again. “Do you need help with it?” “Ah, I wouldn’t want to take up your time.” Byleth went quiet again, she wondered if her teacher had poor social skills. “It’s no problem.”

They didn’t debate any further and that afternoon ended up being spent with talk of weapons naturally followed by armor. “Goodness! The sun is setting already?” Byleth’s eyes widened, “Eh?” Mercedes expected her to say more but she just kept staring at the yellow sky. “Would you like to have dinner with me? As a thank you for today?”

“Dinner…” Mercedes' confidence drained as her teacher’s voice hesitated. She clutched her dress anticipating some kind of reproach for acting so brazenly with her senior. The professor nodded her head then spoke “Sure, peach sorbet ok?” Byleth got up and headed for the door, Mercedes followed while answering the question. “Oh I love peach sorbet, you seem to know everyone’s tastes.” Her student couldn’t see it but her eyes darted other nervously.

Though a familiar yawn caught her attention, “ _Enjoy your dinner, I do like that Mercedes, a very earnest girl she is.” Thank...well the goddess, Sothis had bee_ n bugging her all afternoon. It was like she was tutoring two students at once. Except a certain student only had one volume and insisted on interrupting her every question. She must’ve been making a fool out of herself in front of her peer.

“Finally,” Her Professor said with a clear sign of relief. Mercedes put her hand to her lips and giggled. “You must be hungry.” “Ah, I guess I am.” Mercedes studied the back of the woman in front of her. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for though. She supposed like everyone else, this mysterious figure piqued her curiosity.

“You know, if you ever want me to make you some baked treats, I’d be happy to do so.” Byleth smiled, it was the first time Mercedes had seen it since the new professor arrived a month ago. A wonderfully, warm feeling came over her. As they ate she silently toasted to what would hopefully be an everlasting friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I delete this chapter? Ah writer’s insecurity


	2. Academy Phase Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Covers chapter’s 1-3
> 
> The Academy Phase is more Byleth’s arc while the intermission (years before the war phase) are Mercedes. Both arcs resolve by the end of the War Phase.

**Chapter 1 (Overseer)**

The pit in her stomach grew deeper with each passing minute. Mercedes never wanted to be anywhere near a battlefield. She probably wouldn’t have even been chosen to participate if she wasn’t the best healer in the class. Even if the “soldiers” could hardly break a twig and wielded twigs against each other, it was still nerve racking.

She dutifully kept an eye on her classmates, searching for any signal that would indicate the need to be healed. Being so intensely focused on her classmates meant she failed to see the green headed archer behind her. Ignatz felt guilty about aiming at someone so defenseless but the goal was to eliminate the other houses.

Mercedes heard the sound of a sword being unsheathed right next to her ear which alarmed her greatly. She had to turn around but her body already imagined the pain of being beaten by a training sword. What her eyes found however, was the Ashen Demon holding a sword to her classmate’s throat.

“Alright, I’ve technically killed you so go join your other fallen classmates.”

She wondered if her matter of fact way of speaking had been taught by Sir Jeralt himself. Being reared by such an accomplished yet strict knight must’ve been tough. Perhaps that was also why her face always seemed so solemn.

She continued to watch the professor as she finished up with Ignatz, who quite frankly did not do a job hiding how terrified he was. Needless to say he bolted once the Ashen Demon turned her attention to Mercedes.

“Be wary, you have the most dangerous position in the Blue Lions.”

Mercedes’s brows and eyes expressed her confusion. Her professor explained thankfully.

“Healers are targeted more than anyone else in a real battle.” Having said her warning, the professor walked off to assist the other Lions. Mercedes couldn’t help but wonder, was the professor watching her? In order to protect her? No, she couldn’t see herself being that important to the Ashen Demon.

**Chapter 2 (The Reassuring Hand of A Demon)**

Mercedes kicked herself for thinking last month’s mock battle would be the worst. That assignment was the equivalent of children running around playing pretend. Hunting down a band of bandits with the intent to kill them all was far too real.

Crooks or not they were still human, it was a sickening order but it came from the Church itself. If there was one bright note to any of this then it was that she likely would’ve never seen Zanado without this assignment.

Something about the canyon simultaneously was gorgeous yet incredibly eerie as well. Did her professor feel the same way? Mercedes could only wonder as the professor reviewed the landscape around her with a bizarre expression. The healer figured she was sizing up her surroundings. Trying to figure out the best course of action in this unstable environment. It was definitely rough enough to send Mercedes tumbling down the cliff as she was beginning to do.

Before her ending would be, fell down a cliff and died like an idiot. A calloused hand gripped her arm, hoisting her up without issue. Now Mercedes understood why Felix had been dying to spar with the Ashen Demon. That toned body wasn’t just for show.

Even after Mercedes was on her feet, Byleth still had her hand on Mercedes’s shoulder. Probably to assure that she didn’t lose balance and give the other seven Lions a heart attack again.

“Mercedes, I got a question for you.” It seemed unusual for a professor to be asking her scatterbrained student a question. “Why do you think Zanado is called The Red Canyon?” Now that she thought about it, nothing in this canyon seemed to warrant that name. “Perhaps...the sky was red when the goddess descended? No that’s stupid sorry.” Her cheeks flushed red for suggesting such a nonsensical answer.

The professor took her arm off her and put her hands behind her head. She said “That’s as good an answer as any.” What she really was thinking was a different story.

_“Damn it”_

_“You coward! You dare bring one of your students into our debate!”_

Arguing was unpleasant in general, but arguing with a bratty voice in her head made Byleth want to stick a pin in her brain.

“ _And did you honestly think that a girl like that was going to say that it’s called the Red Canyon because it was flooded with blood?!”_

Byleth snapped back at the green midget

_“Well she didn’t say it used to be the home of red pear trees either now did she?”_

Sothis growled, if she had arms or legs she'd beaten Byleth senseless by now.

_“It’s possible!”_

_“Take a look around, we are standing...ON ROCK. Pear Trees don’t grow on goddnessdamned rock._

_“MAYBE IT—“_

Sothis’s angry rant was interrupted by Mercedes tapping Byleth’s shoulder. “Professor, we can see some of the thieves up ahead.” At last, she was free from Sothis’s ramblings. Though now she had a different problem on her hands.

Her gentle healer appeared to be slightly but visible shaking. She knew the Officer’s Academy was meant to bring up the elite of society but using them as child soldiers seemed cruel. Although, she herself had started mercenary work at a younger age.

“Hey, don’t worry, stick behind me. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.” Byleth wrapped her arm back around Mercedes’s shoulder as she spoke those words. Her face may always be blank but Mercedes knew she truly cared.

“Of course, you were chosen for a reason.”

**Chapter 3 (The Ashen Demon)**

A violent knocking came at Mercedes’s door that night. The gentle healer already guessed who it was. Ashe has been nothing short of hysterical when their professor announced this month’s mission. Dedue took him aside and somehow managed to calm him down. As to be excepted, this was only temporary relief and Mercedes in a short time became the unofficial school counselor.

She didn’t consider it to be a burden but by the goddess was she tired. She rested her head on one of the pillars outside the dorms. It wasn’t comfortable but since it wasn’t then she’d stay awake at least. After all she had class in a few hours.

“Mercedes, did you need something?” Her eyes shot open while her body springed forward. “Ah, sorry, gave you quite a fright didn’t I?”

“ _No wonder everyone keeps calling you the Ashen Demon. You scare children with just your voice!”_

“ _Why are you always awake and chattering away at times like this?”_ Byleth wanted to try and conceal her scowl whenever Sothis decided to offer her commentary. She was struggling at doing so.

“Professor...are you mad at me?” Mercedes meekly squeaked out. “What?” The healer stood up, not making eye contact with her professor. “I’m late for class aren’t I? After I was so sure I didn’t oversleep to…”

“ _Was she even listening to you?”_

_“I thought you liked Mercedes.”_

_“I do but she’s shamelessly absentminded”_

_“How are you so incredibly rude?”_

“I’m really sorry professor…” Great, now she felt soul crushingly guilty. The Ashen Demon waved her hands around like it would help somehow. “Mercedes, it’s Sunday, relax.”

How could Mercedes make this mistake twice? No, why did she keep making a fool out of herself in front of her teacher? “Oh drat, I’m such a klutz. I’m sorry again professor.” “...It’s fine, I was just confused because you’re outside my door.”

Mercedes peeked over her professor’s shoulder and spotted the titular calendar that identified Byleth’s room. “Oh, no, no, no” now she was the one waving her hands around manically. “I just felt so exhausted and sat down to rest for a bit.” Byleth scratched the back of her head. “Oh ok, do...you want to come inside. Inside of my room?”

“ _What on earth are you planning?_ ” Byleth could see Sothis staring at her judgmentally from her room.

“ _Nothing, I thought I’d help out a student like a teacher’s supposed to.”_

_“Yeah is that ALL?”_

_“I don’t understand what you’re going on about.”_

“Thank you professor!” Mercedes smiled a gentle smile. Could probably make a few guys blush for sure.  
Her professor went into her room with the healer following her.

In truth, Mercedes thought the room was a bit dreary. Not that any of their rooms were big enough to do anything crazy with. She plopped down on her bed and sure it wasn’t worthy of a king but it felt like heaven in that moment. She just couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer.

“ _Why are you so sure that—“_

Byleth suddenly realized that her guest was rather quiet. She and Sothis both turned their heads to find the gentle healer asleep on the Ashen Demon’s bed.

“ _She looks quite serene when with her eyes closed doesn’t she?”_

Byleth sat down besides Mercedes, taking in the sight before her.

“ _Weird way to put it but she is a pretty one isn’t she?”_

The longer she looked the hotter her cheeks felt. Eventually tore her gaze away and ran a hand through her hair.

Sothis floated above, a smirk indicating an unknown emotion marking her face.

“ _I have a feeling you and this girl will grow very close.”_

Byleth hung her head low, staring at the floor like it was a black hole.

“ _No, I’ve never had any close friends. In fact, I don’t really feel much towards anyone. That’s why they called me…”_

_“The Ashen Demon”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s see how many swear words we can create


	3. Academy Phase - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Covers chapters 4-6

**A Human Touch:**

Mercedes threw her head back and sighed. She didn’t know what to expect from Academy Life. What she could be sure of was that quelling a rebellion and preventing the archbishop from being assassinated were not at the top of the list. 

The clouds seemed nice today and they took her mind off the current situation. Her head came down out of those clouds when she heard a familiar mumbling. 

The new professor appeared to be liked enough by the students but it’s an open secret that Fòldan happened to be a judgmental country. There were girls who snickered at her, boys who mocked her odd mannerisms. Visiting nobles who sneered in disgust at her unkempt appearance. Even the monks whispered behind her back, finding her unreactive nature uncanny. 

The head priest at the church she once called home told her something. “The goddess judges only by the contents of one’s hearts.” A simple yet powerful saying that would always stick with the young healer. 

Byleth put her hand on her chin. 

_ “Well, according to the guard all the real valuables are stored somewhere else other than the treasury.”  _

_ “I’m telling you that creepy woman by the greenhouse is in on this.”  _

The Ashen Demon took her hand off her chin and used it to facepalm herself. 

“ _ Sothis, now is not the time for wacky conspiracy theories.”  _

“ _ This whole investigation is based on a wacky conspiracy theory you dummy! Plus, who the Ailell refers to plants as their children?”  _

A groan escaped her throat, she hadn’t made any progress as it was so she didn’t need a pesky deity giving her useless ideas. 

“Professor, do you need any help?” The sound of Mercedes’s voice could be described as serene. It’s a shame it scared the saints out of Byleth in that moment. The gentle healer felt equally surprised when her professor smashed her face into the pavement. “Professor! Did you hit your head?! Don’t worry I’ll patch you right up!” She put her hand on the wounded demon’s back, rubbing it softly. 

“Mercedes, don’t worry my head’s pretty tough.” 

_ “Too bad it’s full of air.” _

Byleth didn’t have time to snap back as she pushed herself off the ground. As soon as she stabilized, Mercedes grabbed her arm and threw it over her shoulder. Placing the other one comfortably over her hip as well. 

“Hey, I’m not that badly hurt.” 

_ “Aww, let her have her fun or think of it as a training exercise.” _

_ “Fun at my reputation’s expense”  _

Mercedes noticed her thumb unintentionally touching the Demon’s abdomen. Although she could feel muscles, her skin was still surprisingly soft. In addition, seeing her professor scared from such a thing almost appeared unreal. Though, being such a talked about figure meant one could forget that she was still human. 

The guilt that flooded her conscientious made her tighten her grip on the Demon. Not that Byleth noticed, she still had her goal in mind.

“So I still need to investigate the cathedral.” The professor mentioned in an awkward manner. “I’ll accompany you then” Mercedes offered. “I told you I’m not hurt.” The gentle healer tugged on her arm a little. “I know but we’re friends aren’t we?” Byleth blinked several times. “Alright then, let’s head out.” 

The stares, whispers and gestures of others when the sensation of a person’s warmth could drown them all away. 

**Lessons:**

Were the Blue Lions cursed? First, Ashe is forced to strike down his adoptive father. Now Sylvain would have to slay his own brother. It didn’t help that the inside of the tower happened to be dimly lit. Annie and Dimitri already received a nasty surprise in the form of hidden archers. 

Their wounds may have been easily patched up yet the unpredictable nature of this tower made her nervous. The sight of her professor’s back, bathed in the faint yellow light of the Sword of The Creator reassured her. Then the professor stopped suddenly, it didn’t take much to figure out why. 

Footsteps approached from one of the hallways. The Lions still had the advantage since their foes didn’t seem to notice them yet. 

“Mercedes, stay here, be ready to jump into action if this gets ugly.” The healer nodded in response. The Ashen Demon quickly told the rest of the team their orders then the fight began.

Dedue, Dimtiri aided the Demon in the front lines, taking out some of the more armored bandits. 

The more nimble footed ones that slipped past the trio were met with either Felix’s sword or Sylvain’s lance. 

The mages and archers posed the biggest challenge. Ingrid’s possessed a gift when it came to resistance to fireballs. The archers that took aim at her were finished off by Ashe and Annie. 

This formation proved to be brutally efficient, for the enemies charging forward at them. The ones creeping up behind them from a hidden stairway threatened to destroy this plan. Mercedes spotted them a second too late. Worst yet they caught her in the midst of casting a healing spell. 

One of the two thieves dashed towards her, rage in his voice as he yelled at her. “How can you sleep at night?! My brothers and sisters are bleeding out on the floor and you chose to sew up those bastards’ papercuts?!” 

She froze up, he was a scumbag. The lowest of society, a man who defiled the Goddess’s wish for peace. So why was he right, why was it true that she betrayed the very idea of what a healer was supposed to be. How could she stand by while so many writhed in pain and died on the floor of this awful place. 

To her surprise, someone tackled her to the floor. That someone was none other than the Ashen Demon. She pulled the healer to the ground right in the nick of time. The Demon kicked out his legs, then brought her blessed sword down on his neck. 

The Demon panted for a bit then spoke up, “I didn’t mean to be rough but there was no other choice.” Mercedes didn’t utter a single word, she only kept her head down. “Look, after battle it’s a different story but right now you need to pull yourself together or you’ll get killed.” The gentle healer still didn’t move an inch. 

Byleth grabbed her shoulders and shook her violently before yelling. “Mercedes! Come on! We have to move NOW!” 

_ “That is not how to handle this situation you know” _

“ _ Shut up” _

A blaring roar, inhuman yet filled with agony brought all three back to reality. Mercedes still shaken up unintentionally jumped into The Demon and the healer rushed to the scene of chaos. A massive beast of unknown origin towered over the other Lions. It’s slimy texture, red eyes and massive spikes sent a collective shockwave through the Lions. 

“Wha-What is that?” Mercedes questioned, “That’s Miklan, or it was at least.” Sylvain answered, Dimitri elaborated further, “The Lance of Ruin consumed him in a black substance and he came out a beast.” “Least he’s visually a beast” Felix scoffed. 

“Understood, everyone get ready, we’ll have to hit him with all we’ve got.” The Ashen Demon established order with a commanding tone. 

The Lions understood and perhaps to charge. The Demon turned back to the healer. “That means you as well, I know you have some offensive spells. After I slash the beast you go in and blast him. Got it?” 

_ “Great phrasing” _

_ “Save it for later” _

“Ok...I’m nervous but I know you’ll protect me. Professor.” 

The professor nodded in response, the others finished their assaults which signaled for the duo to attack. 

The Ashen Demon whipped what was once Sylvain’s brother with the Sword of the Creator. It three it’s head up in pain which left it’s neck exposed. The Healer aimed for that spot and the spell she shot out burned a hole in its throat. After that the thing was history. 

This mission taught Mercedes three lessons. That she didn’t know what being a healer truly meant. That she never wanted her brother to turn out like this. Finally, she knew that the Ashen Demon would always be able to reassure her. 

**Unsafe Nights:**

School life kept getting worse and worse. This month one of the sweetest, innocent people roaming around Garreg Mach was kidnapped. Mercedes adored ghost stories but this was too real. Normally she’d be the one comforting her classmates in the dead of night. This particular evening, the darkness may as well have been the teeth of an invisible horror, ready to devour her at any second. 

She knew that at least that it was in her imagination, 

the sound of grass crunching outside wasn’t.

_ “Why did I agree to this?”  _ Byleth could wonder yet she was already out and about.

_ “You owe me...ok I don’t know what you owe me but you owe me something if the flower lady ends up being the Death Knight!”  _

Byleth rolled her eyes, “ _ You are obsessed with that woman, it’s kinda creepy.”  _

“ _ Creepy?! Your face almost never changes! That’s what’s creepy!”  _ Sothis shouted though she was always shouting. 

_ “Yeah, yeah, you’re not the first to point that out, find something more creative to insult me with.”  _

A door creaked open, the Demon saw a face peeking out. 

“Ah, Mercedes, go back to bed. It really is a school night this time.” The Demon kept on her merry way but her student had different intentions.

“Professor, why aren’t you in bed?” 

“ _ Because I decided to entertain a crazy green midget.” _

_ “Oh how I wish I had feet to kick you with.”  _

As soon as Mercedes walked out the door she shivered, why was it so cold tonight?

“You shouldn’t be wandering around this late.” The student lectured her teacher. “Especially with the Death Knight still at large.” Suddenly everything became clear. “You don’t need to worry about me.” Mercedes didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Aren’t you cold?” The Ashen Demon gazed into the crescent moon. “No, I’m used to battling elements worse than this.” 

_ “Why do you have the social skills of a boulder? She wants to invite you into her room!”  _

_ “Ok Greenie, what makes you think that?”  _

_ “Oh let’s see, there’s a maniac running away kidnapping girls. Your student has been through a string of traumatic events. Plus she’s getting so attached to you!”  _

_ “I’ll accept your first two points but where are you getting that last idea?”  _

“Are you ok Professor?” The healer took a few steps close to the Demon. “Do you want me to come into your room?” The Professor blurted out.

_ “Ok, let’s see if you’re right.”  _

_ “If that then I know you’re a creep at least.” _

_ “This was your idea.” _

Mercedes hesitated but she had a clear answer. “Yes, that would be...nice.” Byleth grew a bewildered expression on her face. “Oh”

_ “She actually wants me in there with her?” _

_ “I waaaaas right! Massage my feet next time you see me.”  _

_ “That was for the other bet.” _

The healer nervously twirled her hair. “I mean I fell asleep in your bed. This would be a great way to repay you.” Mercedes headed back to her room and looked back expecting Byleth to follow. The Demon obeyed and she stood in silence once inside. 

The healer laid down on her bed. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.” The Demon walked over and sat down on one of the chairs in the small space. “Cause you know I’d protect you?” Mercedes shifted a little, not sure if she truly wanted to speak her mind. “Having you here does make me feel better. Though it’s more that I want to keep you safe.”

The Ashen Demon took her eyes off the flowers on the windowsill and placed them on the healer. “Um, I’m not following.” Mercedes focused on the woman before her. “Professor, you tell everyone to stay behind your back. Have you ever wondered who’s looking out for that back? Do you have anyone who will be there for you if something terrible happens?” 

Byleth felt something in her chest, a void. She’s been put up on a pedestal ever since she came here. Hailed as a warrior brought up by the Blade Breaker who wields a legendary Hero’s Relic. Yet all great warriors can be taken out by the simplest of things. How long had she depended to keep herself safe? When was the last time she truly trusted someone to stand by her side. Now that she thinks about, she never really had any stable friends. She didn’t know if the other students would accept her if she showed her weakness. After all, she was their universal rock, both physically and mentally. No matter what they said. 

“I’m fine by myself. I’m most comfortable when I’m alone.” 

_ “What are you saying? I know what you’re truly feeling.”  _

“Professor...come, you can sleep by my side tonight.” It was a daring offer, where was this girl getting this courage from?

“I...I...I can’t, I’m sorry I can’t.” 

Byleth rushed out the room. She wasn’t ready for this, not when she didn’t know what was going on. 

_ “I guess it was a big step for someone like you. You can’t hope to go about not understanding what you want.” _

_ “I know what I want. I want to be alone.” _

_ “Because being alone is safe for you. Yet it’s also why you’re also so solemn.”  _

The Ashen Demon thought nothing and just gazed into the moon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of this is set up but it’ll lead somewhere.


	4. Academy Phase - Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are formatted a little differently since I’m splitting the events of the Cause of Sorrow into two. After that I’ll finish off the Academy Phase. Anyway, enjoy this section that covers chapter 8.

**Not There Yet**

The day arrived, The Battle of the Eagle and Lion. Only a few months had passed and the students had grown into budding warriors. No longer did they wield twigs nor hesitate when they aimed their weapons. Mercedes too had grown as a healer. Now she could offer medical assistance from a considerable distance away.

There was one habit that would never change, she would always stick to the Ashen Demon’s back. Ironically the Demon was aiming for the Black Eagle’s healer Linhardt. Marianne had been taken out early in the game. After bonking Linhardt on the head with little resistance, Petra popped out from a bush, starting a sword fight with the Demon. 

Mercedes winched every time each of their blades made contact. Petra’s swift fighting style allowed her to land several strikes on the Demon’s legs. It was apparent that she hoped to knock the Demon on her feet. Unfortunately for Petra, years of experience meant that the Demon has seen it all before. The Healer watched on as her professor took advantage of a brief opening left by the Brigid warrior to land a powerful lunge. Petra accepted defeat and walked off the battlefield. 

No sooner did the Black Eagle disappear into the distance, a cavalier galloped up behind the Ashen Demon. She turned around, Lorenz held out the wooden part of his lance horizontally as opposed to a normal attack position. 

In a moment of perfect strategy and timing, the hilt of Lorenz’s lance collided with the Demon’s face with brutal force. Thanks to the speed of his steed it also knocked her flat on her back. In a way, it felt ironic that she would be laying on the ground after leaving so many to eat the dirt. 

Aside from that thought, Byleth also saw Hilda coming in for overkill. The pink barbarian struck her in the chest. The Ashen Demon’s face wasn’t disappointed, sad, or angry. Even in this moment of crushing defeat, her mind like always was elsewhere. “I’ll take my leave now. Both you and Lorenz did a good job.” The Professor stood up without assurance. 

“Umm...your face is like covered in blood. You might wanna get that checked out.” Hilda commented, Byleth didn’t care what she had to say. She wanted to know where the Healer was. Mercedes seemed to have been caught up in battling Hubert alongside Dimitri. The Demon was eternally grateful for that distraction. 

The rules stated that if you were ‘killed’ then you were to venture to where the Archbishop and Seteth watched over. The Demon headed in the opposite direction, finding herself surrounded by the natural beauty of the area. 

Her nose wouldn’t stop bleeding, her ribs and back stung but that didn’t stop her from enjoying herself. The cool wind felt wonderful against her skin. The chorus of insects around distracted her from the pain in her body. The glistening light of a river came into view, it’s exactly what she needed. 

Even since she was little, Byleth was fond of lakes and rivers. When no one had their eyes on her, she enjoyed taking a swim in the inviting waters. She hopped in and started floating on her back while the currents rocked her. 

She couldn’t be sure of how much time passed before she heard Sothis’s yawn. 

_“Huh? Where are we? Wait...is this a river?”_

_“No, it’s a lake.”_

_“Wasn’t the Battle of the Eagle and Lion today?”_

_“You missed it”_

_“Seriously?! Hold up! Why aren’t you with your students?”_

The Ashen Demon remained silent. Sothis made a noise of frustration. 

“ _What happened? Talk to me here, I’m concerned.”_

The professor kicked her feet a little. She knew the deity would nag her if she didn’t answer.

_“I took a pretty good hit to the face.”_

_“Excuse me? Are you bleeding?”_

The Demon used her hand to wipe her face. Blood smeared on it which she showed Sothis through her eyesight. 

“ _Are you kidding me?!?! Go to the infirmary! Right now!”_

Byleth rolled her eyes and ignored her. Though that didn’t stop her from yapping about the ordeal. She drowned it all out, until…

“Oh thank the goddess! I’ve finally found you, Professor!” Of course, why wouldn’t fate designate anyone else but the Healer to find her in the middle of nowhere? Mercedes rushed down to the riverside, hiking up her priest robes to reach it faster. 

“Professor! The class has been searching for hours!” 

As terrible as it was, this discouraged the Demon from returning. She dreaded the idea of being swarmed by peers who would view her as pitiful.

“Oh professor, your face, why didn’t you receive medical treatment?” 

The Demon put an end to her swim, deciding to face her student head on. As her feet met with the sand, Mercedes practically jumped on her. Despite the rather unhygienic fact that the Demon’s blood was getting on her hands. The Healer grabbed her face and examined it closely.

“This is just from a nasty nosebleed.” The professor tried to reassure her. “But there’s so much…” Mercedes switched her gaze to the dark bruises on her body. When she started touching them Byleth pushed her away. Not because it hurt but because she deeply, deeply regretted stripping down and letting the Healer see her in this state. “I’ll have Manuela patch those up. So could you please turn around for a second?” 

The Healer wasn’t fazed, she was so wrought with worry that she couldn’t focus on such trivial details. Nonetheless, she begrudgingly abided. “Ok, you can look now–“ Mercedes started feeling up her face again, or rather she did with one hand while the other retrieved a handkerchief.

“I got most of it off with the water but blood can be stubborn once it’s dried.” The Healer finished wiping up the rest of the blood then stroked her face gently. 

“Byleth...don’t run away from me if you're this hurt.” 

The Demon could only describe what she was feeling as being knocked over all over again on an internal level. 

_“She called me by my first name, wait, shouldn't have said don’t run from the other Blue Lions.”_

_“You are a boulder head. Can’t you see how protective this girl is of you?”_

Right, she did say last month that she wanted to watch over the Demon’s back. The Healer backed away from her after speaking. 

“I’m sorry, I know I’m crossing your boundaries again. I heard you were injured and I needed to know you were ok.” 

Byleth heard the sound of the lake’s water behind her and the gentle sound reminded her why she came here. 

“I miss my traveling days sometimes. I saw the most beautiful places in Fòldan. I guess as stupid as it is, when I was eliminated from the battle I wanted to relive some of those moments.” The Ashen Demon explained. 

_“Oh yeah, it was stupid. I hope this girl has a break in character and beats you for me!”_

_“You’re upset that I’m injured so you want someone to beat me up.”_

Sadly for Sothis, t’was not to be. “I see, Professor, I would’ve come with you afterwards if you wanted to go hiking that badly.” 

The Ashen Demon nodded, like she always does, in response. “Well, we better head back to the camp before the class ditches us.” 

Mercedes agreed and off they went. She knew something though. Something even Sothis didn’t catch this time. She knew the Demon was lying to her. Guess they weren’t as close as she wished. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I post this crap online


	5. Academy Phase - Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I changed canon slightly and said that Sothis has been with Byleth for several years. It was for plot purposes.

**Confession**

_ Alright, Ashe, Ingrid, Sylvian, Dedue, and Annette are off the list.”  _ Sothis recited as Byleth pet one of the cats behind the dining hall. 

“ _ Are you sure I’m the best choice for this task?” _

Sothis let out one of her typical annoyed noises.

“ _ They look up to you! And you yourself were upset over what happened at that village!”  _

The Demon’s father had told her the same thing, said she had changed. If she did appear that way outwards, then why hadn’t she felt that way on the inside? She shook her head, wasn’t worth dwelling on. Especially since Sothis still needed to be entertained. 

The Ashen Demon offering trauma therapy? What a joke she thought to herself while Sothis rambled on.

_ “You still have to consult, Felix–” _

_ “He wants to fight me like he wants to fight everyone.” _

_ “Dimitri…” _

They both stayed silent after uttering his name. Sothis couldn’t keep her mouth shut for long, however.

_ “Oh! And your favorite…” _

“Professor” Her voice retained its characteristic soft spokenness but a strong trace of sadness leaked through. 

The Ashen Demon never imagined the Healer to wear this grim a face. She still couldn’t manage to say anything despite that. 

“ _ Well, go on, say something. You already went through this with five other kids for Cethleann’s sake!” _

Mercedes didn’t break her eye contact but not a single word came from her lips. 

“ _ Dear Cichol, start with offering her dinner or something.”  _

Under her breath, Byleth mumbled something. “Doesn’t she usually eat dinner with Annette?” Mercedes's ears were quite sharp. Something the professor wasn’t afraid of. 

“Me and Annette had a fight a while back. We don’t talk much now.” Was there a dark void that could suck up the Demon right about now? 

_ “I wish I wasn’t stuck in a boulder’s body”  _

_ “You didn’t listen when I said I’m an E in social contact.”  _

The Healer gripped the hem of her skirt tightly. Every sentence spoken made her feel more and more idiotic. The Demon always had the habits of zoning out like this. It made her feel extremely uncomfortable this time.

“Is there any particular reason you…”

“I ignore you? I don’t try but...you know what, come to my room I’ll explain.” Byleth was finished with this girl being caught up with the ridiculous problems she had with herself. She owed her at least one truthful explanation. 

“ _ Wait, are you planning on doing what I think you’re doing?” _

_ “I am”  _

_ “You haven’t even revealed our secret to your own father.”  _

_ “You needn't remain me” _

The Demon sat her student down on her bed, then proceeded to check for anyone who may become an eavesdropper. She could confirm that the coast was clear but locked the door just to feel safer. 

The Healer didn’t exactly feel at ease with all these precautions. No, her teacher was awkward but she wouldn’t commit anything dastardly, right? Each passing second made her more and more nervous. 

“I...I...I...

What was the Ashen Demon going to confess? Something minor hopefully. 

“....Errr...This is hard…”

Had she killed an innocent knight?

“I have...have…”

Goddess forbid she say something like she was involved in all the conspiracies around Garreg Mach. 

Byleth stopped, took a deep breath then let it out with a new resolve. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Sothis kicking her feet in anticipation. 

“This is going to sound completely mad but I have a person living inside my head.” 

_ “Finally, I thought you’d chicken out.”  _

The Demon covered her face with her hand. Not believing she actually told someone about Sothis. Mercedes didn’t quite know how to process what she heard. 

“How does that work?” Ended up being the only question she could get out at first. 

“Well, I don’t quite have the words to describe it but, she somehow shares my body. We talk to each other through our thoughts so when I space out I’m not ignoring you, I’m speaking to her.” 

The Healer hated to admit it but she was having a hard time believing what she was hearing. Even so, she knew that the Demon put her faith in her. After all, ‘The Goddess judges only by the contents of one’s hearts.’ 

“Is she always invisible or…?” 

“I actually do see her, occasionally I seem to be subconsciously transported into a dark place with only a throne, I see her then.” 

“A throne?” 

“Another time I see her is when she materializes in certain places. She’s actually in the room with us right now.” 

The Healer glanced around the room, she already figured out that only the Demon could see this entity. She still hoped that she could spot traces of it. 

“What does she look like?” 

“ _ If you describe me as ugly or something then you’re giving me another massage.”  _

“She’s a flamboyant midget with green hair.” 

_ “I’m going to find some way to kill you.”  _

“ _ Wouldn’t that be suicide?”  _

Mercedes giggled a little, the professor’s dry sense of humor always lightened up the mood no matter what was going on. 

There was only one last question the Healer wanted to ask.

“How long have you two known each other?”

Byleth back her hand on the back of her head. 

“Not sure, a few years I think. One reason I agreed to become a professor is so I could learn why we inhabit the same body.” 

“I see...do you think it’s possible for her to gain a physical form?”

“ _ Oh how I would love that! I could sing and dance and strangle you.”  _

“ _ I’d like to see you try” _

The professor stretched a little, it was apparent she was way more comfortable now.

“Maybe, that would be interesting. We insult each other all the time but all things considered, she’s my closest companion.”

Sothis jerked back in surprise at this statement. She became flustered and covered her face with her hands to hide it.

“ _ I never thought you’d say anything like that.” _

Byleth smiled a little, was she smiling because of Mercedes’s quiet acceptance or of her companion? “You’ll keep this a secret, right?” “Course, that’s my speciality.” 

Her professor stood and unlocked the door. “You should probably go now but any messages for my floating nuisance?” 

“...Please take care of the professor for me.”

The Demon started into the corner, nodded her head then spoke for a final time before sending her off. 

“She says all she can do is watch my back.” 

The Healer’s heart hurt, a pain she hadn’t felt before. The way the Demon laughed at the unheard voice behind her. How her face loosened up after mentioning that invisible woman. The woman who stayed by her side every minute of every day. 

How could she hope to surpass that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god too many words in my typical horrid writing style. Least the Ball is next chapter
> 
> Every word I type makes me more insecure but I ain’t orphaning this project. I will die like Glenn.


	6. Academy Phase - Cause of Sorrow - Ball

**After That Night:**

Mercedes was bursting equally with excitement and anxiety. Tonight is the night of the Grand Ball. Having finished her preparations she rushed through the empty monastery grounds. Following the sounds of the laughter and music. 

Arriving outside the door with beams of light breaking through the seams. Showing up at this door alone crushed her heart for a second but it couldn’t be helped. She braced herself then entered the ballroom. 

Everyone looked so beautiful with their fancy outfits. She wondered if she came underdressed but ultimately most people were too distracted to pay attention to her. This event even managed to bring some of the shyer students out of their shells. She caught Marianne and Ignatz up above the stair railing laughing while they observed the dancers. Bernadetta surprisingly was hanging out with Hubert near the buffet table. 

She was glad they had dates but it unintentionally made her envious. She stood on the outskirts of the crowd assuming that the one she was searching for would be in a corner. Right she was but the Demon wasn’t alone. 

“My dear, would you care for a dance?”

“Lorenz you smashed my face in.” 

The prideful nobleman winched then scampered away.

“Wow, you look especially stunning tonight.”

“Sylvian go bother someone else.” 

He obeyed, he probably only wanted to mess with his professor anyhow.

The Healer didn’t know what sapped her courage faster. The amount of suitors that bombarded the Demon in such a short time. Or that she shot them all down in such a cold manner. 

“Greetings professor! This ball is something to report!” 

She prayed to the goddess that she wasn’t competing with the universally loved gatekeeper. Not to mention he looked dashing tonight, although he still wore his helmet for some odd reason. 

“Greetings friend, hope you score a beautiful woman tonight.” 

The gatekeeper blushed then left to go find his own suitor. Thus the Demon finally saw the Healer. Mercedes slowly approached, her breath being taken away by how gorgeous Byleth was. It could’ve been all in her head, how the light hit her perfectly making her eyes shine. Maybe that simple dress engraved with a wave pattern brought out her features. Her expression seemed gentler than usual alluring even. The sound of her heart pounding filled her ears as she stood before the Demon. 

“My, you’re looking good tonight. Though you’re usually quite pretty anyway.” 

“...No professor...you…”

All kinds of thoughts were racing through her mind. She didn’t know how to articulate any of them.

“Hey teach~”

“Oh come on Claude, how many times need I turn you down?” 

For the third time, Claude got the message, and this time he didn’t contest.

“Ugh, this dance has got everyone in a weird mood.” 

It didn’t surprise Mercedes that her professor was woefully ignorant. Despite having shown up a few minutes ago she now wanted to find a private place for them to be alone. 

“This may seem a little odd but I want to show you a certain place.” 

Byleth sprung out of her seat absolutely delighted.

“Praise you, Mercedes, I’ve been searching for an excuse to ditch this place.” 

“ _ We spent all that time browsing clothes for nothing?!” _

_ “I would’ve been fine wearing rags to this horrid event. You were the one who was picky.”  _

_ “Have some gratitude young woman!”  _

Byleth rolled her eyes which also silently spoke to Mercedes. So it wouldn’t be only the two of them after all. Though she couldn’t complain ever since Byleth opened up about this invisible entity she’s been more open with her. The entity using Byleth as an intermittent also seemed to want to get to know her personally. 

“So where are you gonna take us?”

This time it was she who became caught up in her thoughts.

“It’s a surprise, if you want to find out then follow me.”

The duo didn’t waste any more time and Mercedes led her straight to the Goddess Tower. The climb proved rather rigorous but the view at the top was well worth it.

They could see everything from the Cathedral to the distant mountains bathed in blue moonlight. 

Mercedes turned around to see the reaction of her companion but found her nodding off. In other words, she was talking to that entity again much to her disappointment. Until she heard what Byleth has to say.

“Well, the green midget just fell asleep. Right as we were getting to the good part too.”

How lucky for Mercedes. Her confidence rebound she waltzed up to Byleth. 

“Professor, I know you turned everyone else down but would you dance with me?” 

“Since it’s just us then it’s fine. I’m not very good at it though I’m warning you.”

Mercedes intertwined her fingers with Byleth as they began gently swaying together. Byleth wasn’t lying when she said she had no idea what she was doing but she found it quite cute. 

Their faces were so close, their noses almost touched. Byleth noticed then that she was looking up at her student. 

“Wait, since when have you been taller than me?” 

Mercedes giggled a little, the typical girlish yet sweet giggle.

“Maybe I’ll end up growing several feet taller than you.” 

Byleth swung her head to the side quickly not wanting to admit that possibility. 

“It’d be hard to seem tough with my healer towering over me.” 

Mercedes squeezed her professor’s hand a little.

“Nonsense, I’ll always rely on you to protect me.” 

Byleth having tripped over her own feet, ended up with her head in Mercedes’s shoulders. It helped to stabilize her a bit but Mercedes still had to put her hands on her waist so she wouldn’t tumble downwards. 

It was unnecessary yet she still placed a hand on the Demon’s hand, keeping her head on her shoulder. She stroked the other woman’s hair a bit, still tough but not unpleasant. 

“Then again it’s so painful for me to see you suffering.” 

“...I’m not following”

Mercedes took Byleth off her shoulders so she could look at her eyes. 

“Byleth...what is happiness to you?” 

The Demon’s eyes shifted around rapidly. 

“That’s an abstract question. If I had a precise answer...then it’d be to be able to live free of the judgment of others.” 

She didn’t know why she did it but she nuzzled the Demon’s head a little. Held her close to mentally reassure herself. 

Mercedes looked out at the moon overheard. She felt incredible euphoria right now. She didn’t know what happiness was herself. She could only guess her joy was linked to this woman. 

No matter how many lies she told. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch as this chapter transforms when I become too tempted to go back and edit 1,000 times.


	7. Academy Phase - Cause of Sorrow - Post Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a bit later than usual, life and endless rewrites am I right.

**After The Euphoria:**

You’re supposed to act sad or angry when a tragedy happens. The reality is though no one truly understands that agony until it happens to them.

This had been the first time this terrible year no, the first time in her life she felt like this. Like someone had taken a hammer and smashed her chest in. This realization that never again could she ask anything of her father. The very man who gave her the strength everyone admired her for. 

_ “How long are you planning on staying in this room?”  _

It was at this time that Byleth thought Sothis was a curse. She’d been trying to ignore her, at least the best one could do at ignoring an omnipresent voice. Not to mention the deity’s patience was at its wit’s end. 

“ _ What is going on with you?! I thought you were bad before but seeing you like this it’s...Weird! Unbearable!”  _

“ _ Having emotions sucks”  _

“ _ Really! After all this time of staying quiet and that’s what you decide to say?!”  _

Although she clearly wasn’t in the mood to argue, she was glad Sothis remained the same no matter what. Just then another knock came at the door, they’ve been streaming in all week. 

Under her breath she groaned, pity disgusted her. If it came from any of the monks or nobles then she knew it was all for appearances. If it came from her students or her fellow staff members then it made her feel pathetic. But it wasn’t like she didn’t see this particular visit coming. She’d have to be brain dead not to. 

Even so, she chose to ignore that voice too. The knocking ceased eventually leaving her to enjoy the silence. The guilt did mix in with her other unpleasant emotions but she’d get over it. Mercedes sure as Ailell didn’t though. 

Tap, tap, bonk, damn doves. The Demon decided next time she held archery lessons those pests would be the target. She stomped over ready to strangle one of the feathered rats only to find that was not what was behind the curtains. Instead, her eyes took in the sight of the Healer clinging to the side of the building. At least three stories up. 

If Byleth had a heart then it’d probably attack itself right about now. Sothis too started screaming out of sheer panic. 

“ _ How the Indech did she get up here?! Don’t just stand there like a boulder, DO SOMETHING. Pull her up! Pull her up–” _

_ “I KNOW! STOP YELLING!”  _

Once the screeching deity shut up, the Demon could focus on saving her student from breaking something. 

She rapidly unfastened the window’s locks and dipped out.

Mercedes took off one of her hands then stuck in the air as dangerous as it was. Her professor grabbed and gripped her hand so tightly it actually hurt a little. To be able to physically pull the Healer in the Demon had to get a hold of both hands. She did this somewhat forcibly but it allowed her to get the other woman on the windowsill. 

With an impressive burst of adrenaline, she hauled her student up through the window. Once that adrenaline wore off she felt the weight of another person on her chest. The sensation could it be called…? Either way, it was interesting all right. Perhaps she could’ve taken it in more if the grant goddess didn’t start lecturing her student through their joint minds. 

“ _ Oh, how I wish I had a body not just to beat you but your stupid student too!”  _

“ _ I’m gonna pass that along now.”  _

_ “Wait! Wait! Not the part about beating her, just the stupid part ok?”  _

_ “You’ve been inside my head for far too long.”  _

Was it sad that that was the most normal conversation she’d had all day? Speaking of talking,

“Byleth! This is drastic but–”

“Drastic?!” The Demon and the deity shouted in unison. Though of course only one of them could continue vocally. 

“Climbing up a building with the chance of falling to death is more than drastic.” 

“ _ How in the name of the goddess did you even pull that off!?”  _

“The green midget wants to know how you scaled up here.” Reluctantly the Ashen Demon translated without making eye contact with the girl on her chest. 

“Me and my brother used to have tree climbing contests. But never mind that professor, no one has heard from you in a week!” 

Byleth tried to gently push Mercedes off her chest but she wasn’t going anywhere. Sure it was to be expected but who knew the gentle healer could be this extreme? 

“I’ve been busy sorting through my father’s things.”

“ _ What is wrong with you? Ever since I’ve known you, you've been doing this! I hoped at least this would’ve changed!”  _

In truth that was one of the reasons, she cried over her father. Her memories were the only thing she had left yet they were tainted by her chronic lying. It’s easy to convince yourself you can get by simply telling everyone what they want to hear. In the end, it becomes unthinkable, to tell the truth, least if she didn’t want to let anyone down. 

There were too many things going on right now. A deity was lecturing her, a girl sat on her chest, regretful memories rushed through her head. For a moment she wished she could disappear from this life. A moment that was broken by a pair of warm hands on her face. 

“Oh professor, please don’t make such a grim expression.” It wasn’t an appropriate reaction but the Ashen Demon shoved her student off her with a little more force than usual. 

Startled, Mercedes stared at her professor wide eyed. “Byleth, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make things worse.” 

To her surprise, her professor had taken a rather vulnerable position with her head in her knees.

“I didn’t want anyone to see me like this but I really more than anyone else I hoped you wouldn’t catch me in such a sorry state.” 

Her voice cracked as she spoke. The Ashen Demon was crying, it truthfully did seem weird yet it was also a painful sight. The Healer reached a hand out wanting to wipe away those tears somehow. Naturally, it was rejected but she managed to get her professor to accept a hug from the back. 

“You’ll always be the strongest person I know Byleth, even right now.” 

The Demon started sobbing a little harder.

“No, I’m only a pathetic liar who likes to drown in her own sorrow.” 

“Everyone lies you know. If I was bothered by it I wouldn't be here. In a way I understand, I don’t like it when people see me worried. After all, I’m usually the one they come to if they’re troubled.” 

Being shoved off away surprised her but she was downright shocked when the Demon flipped around and held her in a tight embrace. 

“Humanity doesn’t deserve someone so kind. I’ll do better for you. I promise I’ll stop lying.” 

The gentle healer stroked her companion’s hair and smiled a little. 

“I believe you Byleth, that’s why you’ll always be my hero. Only the strongest can change.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this how you do cHarActer devilMpment haha (hovers over delete button.) I’ll stop with these ridiculous notes I promise.


	8. Academy Phase - Almost Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will close off the Academy Phase. After that is the intermission or years between Academy Phase and War Phase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Settin’ Up for all that Mercedes angst because we all wanted that I’m sure

**Silence:**

“ _ You there behind the boulder! Where are we?”  _

A younger Byleth quickly searched her surroundings for the source of the voice. The steppe she was currently on left a surprising amount of hiding spots. For both her and her foes. An unfamiliar person during a mercenary’s job could end in a deadly confrontation. 

_ An unfortunate passerby? An enemy trying to trick me? Who is it… _

_ “I’m none of those things! Actually, I don’t know who I am.”  _

No way, Byleth knew she didn’t say that aloud. She rarely expressed her thoughts personally. 

“ _ Ah! Archer! Above you!”  _

Sure enough, hidden in plain sight was a rouge with a bow. She slipped behind the boulder in the nick of time as an arrow flew towards where she had been standing. Before another one could be fired, she rushed up the hill and slashed the archer down. 

“ _ I must say, I’m impressed. You’re quite skilled.” _

Now that she was paying more attention to this voice she noticed that it didn’t come from any one direction. 

Since it was the middle of summer, Byleth assumed the scorching heat caused her to hear things. Why not entertain the hallucination? 

_ “When did you get here?”  _

_ “I don’t know, I woke up and saw that my eyes and ears were not my own. Tell me does your body feel any different?”  _

“ _ Would I have been able to off this fellow here if I didn’t have control?”  _

_ “Don’t get sassy with me! Although you do have a point.”  _

_ “Who you calling sassy? Besides you sound like you’re five.”  _

_ “How old are YOU, brat.”  _

Were all hallucinations this annoying? 

“ _ I don’t know, me and my pa don’t keep track.”  _

“ _ You’re as dumb as a boulder!”  _

Byleth growled and started the process of hiking down the steppe. Hoping to find water to end the heatstroke nightmare. 

Suddenly she felt dizzy, her vision blurred. When her eyes focused again, she found herself in some kind of room with nothing but a throne. 

_ It’s the heatstroke, it’s the heatstroke... _

_ “We don’t have heatstroke! Least I don’t think we do.” _

The childish voice didn’t sound quite as omnipresent anymore. Byleth slowly turned around and saw her. A short girl adorned with ancient jewels. Even weirder she seemed to have pointed ears. 

Absolutely bewildered, the ocean eyed woman stared on without any words escaping her mouth. 

“ _ Oh, so this is what my new pair of eyes looks like. I only saw your massive brea...nevermind. _

Byleth charged at the girl or whatever she was. The strange girl floated out of the way which might’ve been weird if this whole situation wasn’t out of whack.

_ “Where are we? Who are you? Why can you read my thoughts?” _

“ _ I’m afraid I can’t answer any of those questions. This throne is familiar but I have no idea where it’s located. I woke up and realized I could see through a pair of eyes but couldn’t control the connecting body. Why I’m attached to you I have no idea. That’s all I really know” _

She didn’t consider herself a trustful person but honestly, Byleth couldn’t do much else but take her at her word. Sothis came back down to the ground and approached Byleth.

“ _ How about your name? Do you remember?”  _

_ “I think it’s...uhhh...AH! SOTHIS!!!”  _

Byleth rubbed her ears. She didn’t know if she was in her body or not but her ears definitely hurt. 

“ _ Sothis is my name, so what’s your flesh body?” _

_ “Don’t call me that. Ever. Especially since I already have a nickname. The Ashen Demon.” _

“ _ How cruel! What bully gave you that!”  _

_ “I don’t know, it just started going around. I don’t mind, it’s fitting.”  _

_ “There’s no way I’m calling you that. What’s your real name?”  _

_ “Byleth” _

Sothis a slender hand out to her host with a grin on her face. 

_ “If we’re going to be stuck together then we might as well get along, Byleth.”  _

The Ashen Demon took the deity’s hand and shook it.

“ _ Whatever you say, floating green ghost.”  _

The first time they ever touched was a greeting. The second time was goodbye. 

No matter how many times she repeated that memory, it didn’t fill the void. The cathedral was as good a place as any to remorse over her invisible friend.

She took a lock of her new alien hair to study it for the thirtieth time. Everyone commented on how cool it was but all she could think was that it looked like something Manuela threw up after a drunken date. 

Letting out a heavy sigh, she threw her head up. It didn’t help that the slightly cloudy sky today looked exactly like the one that day. 

“Pr...o..fessor…” 

It wasn’t anything new for her friend to track her down. Generally, she didn’t look like she was on the verge of death. Large dark bags complimented her eyes along with a bad case of bed hair. All topped off with the glistering of sweat rolling down. 

“Professor! I was so worried! Are you still feeling light headed?!”

Byleth smirked, she strolled over to ruffle her student’s head. A select few times she’d tried to ruffle Sothis’s to piss her off but she always float-dodged it. 

“Kid, you gotta worry about yourself sometimes.”

Mercedes blushed, it was true that if she hadn’t stayed up all night outside the infirmary then she wouldn’t have passed out. If she hadn’t passed out then she could’ve met up with her professor in a more professional manner. 

Nonetheless, that advice went right over her head. “But you went through so much plus you collapsed suddenly!” 

“Physically I'm fine but Sothis is gone. My hair and eyes changed because apparently, our souls fused together or some crazy celestial crap like that.”

Mercedes never really knew what to make of her teacher’s invisible friend. Now she had more questions, first and foremost, why did this entity share the same name as the Goddess herself. Then again that would solve many of the mysteries surrounding the Ashen Demon in an odd way.

“I do feel different, stronger but it’s not worth losing her. Damn, how could I be such an idiot? If I hadn't ran after that Kronya then…” 

The professor dragged her hand down her face. Mercedes reached out thinking she may have started crying again but then the Ashen Demon dropped her hand. Revealing a completely dry, stoic face. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna fall apart again. She hated seeing me in that state. For her, I’m going to try to remain myself. Though, not hearing her voice anymore, it’s not something I can get used to.” 

Despite being billed as one of the most gentle and compassionate students in the Garreg Mach. She was overwhelmed with joy. They never could meet but she hated whatever that entity was. That deity served as a wall between her and what she desired. Even if Byleth’s eyes still carried a deep sense of sadness within them, Mercedes still had to keep herself from smiling. 

“I miss her so much, as much as my father.” 

The healer gripped her first. The professor was still fixated on someone who might not have even existed in the first place? Their relationship, was it not as special as she thought? She had only been the first one to reach out to her. Or maybe she wasn’t.

As those thoughts ran through her head. She realized something, something sickening. 

In a monotone voice with no trace of what she was feeling. She announced her intentions to the Demon. 

“Professor, I have to leave now.” 

Byleth did seem confused but she didn’t protest. Which was great news for Mercedes since she suddenly felt like she was drowning in dread. The Ashen Demon wasn’t the only selfish liar it seems. 

  
  
  



	9. Academy Phase - END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops I skipped the Holy Tomb but Sothis know this chapter has enough words to cover for it.

**Don’t Wait:**

After Edelgard became empress, things fell into place yet everyone still had no idea what to think of it. The Ashen Demon’s face remained as emotionless as ever. 

A year ago that might’ve been because frankly it simply would’ve meant more jobs for her to take on. Now it was because she racked her brain with strategies. Hoping at least one of them could succeed in protecting everything and everyone she loved. 

Unfortunately the chances of her coming with anything effective were slim. That was thanks to the limited knowledge of the approaching army combined with a ridiculously short time frame.

One staple rule must always be prioritized. Protect the healers. In the largest mercenary battle she ever fought in, which wasn’t a fraction of the size this skirmish was to be; half of their band’s healers had been the first casualties. 

They tell all those young priests and Bishops that they’ll earn the grace of the goddess for their talents. Of course they don’t mention the part about how every sword, axe and lance will be pointed at them the minute they step into enemy range. 

The thought of a certain someone being hunted down in such a disgraceful manner, made the Demon queasy. If nothing but to reassure herself, she searched for her student. 

Mercedes had been avoiding her professor as of late. Byleth having the observant skills of a boulder assumed she had emotionally worn out her companion with her drama. 

When she did find the girl she was looking for, she felt herself boiling over with anger. Angry over what she was doing. The kind of anger that steams from extreme worry. 

The Healer peered out into the monsterary which sat majestically on the mountains behind them. Not that she paid any attention to it. She snapped out of her blank state when a pair of rough hands spun her around. 

Byleth had one nasty scowl spread over her face. Immediately Mercedes assumed she was furious over how she had been purposely avoiding her. Treading the thin line between friend and foe probably wasn’t the smartest move. She wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of the Ashen Demon hating her. 

“Why are you over here gazing at nothing like goddess damned Indech?” 

The Demon’s grip remained tight as she waited for an answer. 

“I have a lot on my mind...so I got a little lost in thought.” 

Byleth squeezed her companion’s hand, hard. Fuming as she reprimanded her student.

“You better stop worrying about whatever ridiculous happenings is going on outside of this battlefield. If you get distracted out there even for a second, you’ll snap out of it to find dozens of lances through your chest.”

Even though she was being lectured, Mercedes couldn’t help but blush. Out of her embarrassment over her own stupidity. The Ashen Demon wasn’t even done yet. She leaned in real close to the Healer’s face to empathize her next order. 

“You stay behind me no matter what happens, you understand?” 

Mercedes nodded in silence, it wasn’t enough to convince the Demon. She leaned in further still.

“Speaking frankly, given the situation, I highly doubt we’ll have advantage. I’ve got a terrible feeling that much blood will be spilled today. But mark my words, they’ll have to cut off all four of my limbs before I’d let them touch you.” 

Now Mercedes cheeks grew hotter for a completely different reason. Did Byleth truly not understand how those words sounded? That’s not something normal friends say to each other. Course, maybe it was all in her head. Either way it felt agonizing. 

“I have something to tell you, Byle—”

The sound of a war horn blowing indicated that the Imperial Army had arrived. 

“Looks you’ll have to wait till after this is over. For now stick to the plan.” 

After her professor uttered those words, time seemed to have sped up. Spells and arrows flew around them at a rapid fire pace. The war cries and dying screams in the distance eerily rang out all around them. 

If anything caught either the students or the Imperial soldiers’ attention, it was the Ashen Demon. Who truly lived up to that nickname with the speed at which she disposed of her foes. She even shoved one man’s own sword straight through him. Quite a few of the Lions shivered but also were gracious that they had her on their side. 

They kept the Imperial Forces at bay barely. However when Dedue punched out Randolph and Ashe shot down Ladislava, they started making real progress. It was only a matter of time before the second beast in the Lions, Dimitri, charged through the stragglers. 

Both lords put up one Ailell of a fight but Macuil have no fury like a Blaiddyd scourged. Aka he smashed through that Flame Emperor armor. 

From there the Lions and the Knights of Seiros made the mistake of thinking they could relax. Edelgard was underestimated on many levels but especially on the topic of her strategic mind. 

Using herself as a distraction meant absolutely no one kept an eye on the massive force approaching from behind. Once Byleth saw that the Church’s forces were on the end of their rope. She knew they weren’t going to win this battle so the only thing that could be done was control the damage. 

“Listen up class, if you don’t want to be struck down here than head down the path, now.” 

Ingrid instantly protested this order.

“And leave the monsterary to fall?!”

Felix, never one to back down from a fight also contested it.

“You’d let those dastards have their way?” 

Byleth, rather frustrated ran a hand down her face. Luckily or unluckily for her, the sight of a demonic beast tearing down a wall behind them proved her point. 

“Garreg Mach is going down either way, you just have to decide if you’re going down with it. Sometimes you have to understand that you’ve lost.” 

The Ashen Demon pointed to the overgrown path behind the Lions.

“Go, once I figure out what the Knights’ plans are I’ll join you.” 

Mercedes didn’t like the sound of that one bit. 

“Byleth, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” 

By the time she meekly squeaked her concerns out, Byleth had already disappeared into the fiery distance. She turned her attention to her retreating classmates, all of them complied with the exception of Dimitri. Who had to be dragged away by Sylvian and Dedue. 

The Professor would be back. She was the strongest in all of Garreg Mach. She just had to tell herself that. She just had to be patient. 

Hours passed, the fighting died down. The forest regained its typical noises. The rest of the Lions split ways to flee to their separate destinations. All but Mercedes von Martritz.

The reddish sky gave way to a starry one. Much like the one that hung overhead during the Ball. That sky eventually disappeared as the morning sun rose. Still nothing but the quiet noises surrounding her. 

Large tears started to roll down her face. In her heart she knew the truth. She had lost her first love.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus begun the Mercedes angst fest.


	10. Intermission - Part 1

Even though she understood it, she didn’t want to believe it. She still sat on the same stump, waiting. Based on the day and night cycle, two days had passed. 

Finally, she was forced to come to her senses when she spotted an Imperial scout draped in red in the distance. Thankfully the scout didn’t spot her allowing her time to slip out. 

The backroads paths leading out of the Monsterary were completely barren. She told the other Lions insistently to leave without her. One of many terrible decisions she made that day. 

Now a single option remains, find a way back to her adoptive father. Nothing to guide her and no one to lead her. She walked this path in true, total solitude for the first time in her life.

Mercedes didn’t know anything about the surrounding landscape. Whenever they had to go somewhere she followed the professor without thought. 

She did at least know that because of the rocky terrain, there weren’t any other towns besides the one connected to Garreg Mach. That place probably was in ruins now too. 

So her goal, for now, was to get down the mountains. The trail the Lions had taken out of the monsters though hidden quickly turned into no man’s land. It became impossible to see anything through the foliage. The tall weeds scratching her legs stung and sapped what little resolve she had. 

Why was she even bothering anyway? What waited for her when she arrived home. An unhappy life as a political chess piece. This war probably wouldn’t change her fate. Not that ever she meant anything to fate or destiny. Up until a short while ago, she was drowning in euphoria. 

Then she destroyed it prematurely for such a petty reason. If she knew that the woman who set her heart ablaze was doomed to such an unscrupulous end. She would’ve pampered her right up until her last breath. 

All the could-of-have-beens were killing her. She could’ve handled her jealousy in a more mature, rational manner. She could've followed the Demon even if it meant meeting the goddess. She could’ve stopped deliberating and told her how she felt. Any of those things would have let her savor those precious last days. 

Her foot suddenly slipped off something. She felt herself tumbling down a steep decline. The hard impact of her landing caused her to yet out a little yelp. 

Her ankle was throbbing, she tested it out a little by moving it. Not broken thank the goddess but definitely twisted at least. Her healing magic needed more time to regenerate before she could use it again. Making finding a village even more crucial. 

Limping along, the shrubbery covered path disappeared into a more appealing dirt road. Each step hurt more than the last but her Hope was rekindled when she saw a faint light in the distance.

She hopped over so fast that she actually tripped. When she raised her head off the ground, she saw the light was a lamppost. A laugh escaped her mouth because lampposts generally mean she’s close to civilization. She limped and dragged herself along the trail of lights and did indeed find a small town.

Since it was quite late she would have to cross her fingers and hope that someone was still awake. Her prays from the goddess were seemingly answered when she saw the silhouette of a woman. 

She enthusiastically called out to her. “Hello! I’m sorry, I know it’s terribly late but I hurt my ankle.” 

She hobbled forward only to hear the woman’s angry shouts.

“Stay back! If you Imperial scum think sending in terrible actresses will convince us to let you in then you’re fools!” 

Mercedes took a step back in alarm. It did make perfect sense that villages would be on edge. She had to try and calm them down somehow.

“I have no weapons! I can’t do much in this state. Plus I’m also fleeing from the Imperial Army!” 

She walked around in a circle to show off her limp. 

“You’ve a minute to high tail it out of here.” 

As the woman gave her ultimatum, armed villages popped out. They all aimed their bows at her.

Slowly Mercedes backed up, the crippling reality of her defenseless caused her to panic. The adrenaline allowed her to move faster than usual. She ended up right back where she started, the forest. 

When she felt sure she was safe, she slowed down. Her senses came back to her, she heard the sound of a creek. It was so pleasant, she wasted no time finding it. She collapsed next to it, her fingers stroking the cool water.

“You referred to yourself as a Demon. Your face never changed because you convinced yourself you didn’t feel much. Your lies were to keep up that facade. Yet still, you made my happiest memories. I can’t bear walking the road ahead without you.”

Mercedes looked at her reflection in the water, lit by the moonlight.

“But I won’t let your sacrifice be for nothing, Byleth.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, I’m actually proud of this. Shocking.


	11. Intermission - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a survivalist psychological thriller now.

A hare chewed at a small branch with scarce leaves on the ground. Unable to realize how odd the idea of a random branch lying in the middle of a snow covered clearing looked. 

A rock was hurled at it and took out the animal before it could comprehend what was happening. Mercedes picked the corpse’s body up. Judging by its scraggly state it likely wouldn’t of lasted much longer anyway. 

The Healer has become used to small meals since the fall of Garreg Mach a year ago. She still didn’t know a way back to her home. The war made travel substantially more difficult. The land had been cut up into factions. Many of them Imperial or Alliance factions, which Mercedes couldn’t cross.

Therefore Fòldan’s uncharted wilderness became her road to Faerghus. She’d like to believe she was heading in the right direction due to how intense the winter weather had been. Speaking of which, having learned the art of predicting the weather. She noticed all the telltale signs of an approaching blizzard. 

The last time a snowstorm hit, she barely survived the night. Huddling in a cave again wasn’t an option, she had to find real shelter. 

Once the professor told the Lions tales from her mercenary days. In those tales, she mentioned how hunters carved symbols into trees to message each other or use as landmarks. 

It was still a gamble but risks were something she had to take in this unforgiving world. She began examining each tree, occasionally wiping frost off them. The handmade gloves she had made helped prevent frostbite, yet her fingertips still burned. 

“We humans are so fragile, aren’t we Byleth?” 

Over the past year, she prayed to the goddess less and talked to her departed beloved more. Then again, she and the goddess could’ve been the same person. When the only words you hear for months on end are paranoid threats to get out, you start to imagine a voice more pleasant to the ears. 

Ironically she knew that voice would be telling her to pay more attention in such a dire situation. Which she’d gotten better at. Finally, she found one of the symbols. Then another, and another, guiding her somewhere.

“Ah! A hunting cabin! Over there! I’m so glad you taught me about the symbols Byleth!” 

The wind blew through the trees almost like the Demon was responding. Feeling rejuvenated, she excitedly rushed down to the structure. Half of it had collapsed but the other half was still usable. 

Even luckier for the Healer was that the fireplace was still intact. That still didn’t protect it from the wind so she promptly worked to build a fire before it was too late. 

She cast a fire spell to no avail as the wood in the fireplace was too damp. 

“Guess luck only takes you so far….what would you do I wonder?”

After a moment of contemplating she answered herself.

“Oh I know l, you would…”

She went into her soon to be bedroom which unlike the rest of the cabin was protected from the weather outside. Then with a little effort and resistance, she yanked up a loose floorboard. 

“Use your brute strength like this of course!” She proclaimed whole giggling a little. 

This time she successfully started a fire. Next on the list was to cook her raw dinner. A traveling bag she found in a ruined merchant's wagon had practically become her third arm and she pulled a pot out of it. 

Her stomach rumbled and time couldn’t go any slower as the rabbit slowly roasted. 

“You know, I never cooked much meat before all this. Now I see when you and Raphael love it so much.” 

Now she was even more impatient.

“Come to think of it, wasn’t pheasant your favorite? Next Spring I’ll be sure to cook as many pheasant dishes as I can!” 

She stared into the fire’s fierce flames. A mournful expression on her face.

“Would you like that? Would your face light up? I wish I'd cooked for you more.” 

The rabbit’s meat finally was a golden brown hue. Mercedes ate in the familiar silence. A year ago, that silence made her anxious, sometimes even made her want to cry. Now it had become the only thing she could be sure of, her only companion.

Having finished dinner, she had nothing left to do but to sleep. The old bed with dirty wool covers scratched her skin and she was pretty sure it had bed bugs as well. Yet she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Some people say I’ve had a rough life. But you know, as long as you have even just one person by your side, you can find happiness.”

Her face turned sour again. 

“You had your father and Sothis, now I understand better than ever how you felt losing them. Crushed, empty, scared, because you discovered what true loneliness is. No matter how terrible it’s been for me, I’ve always been surrounded by people one way or another.” 

She turned on her side and peered into the darkness. 

“I hate how much I’ve come to accept the silence. If only you could break it with your beautiful voice.” 

She paused, the darkness seemed to swallow her up. Talking to Byleth even if she could speak no words was the only reason she hadn’t fallen into madness. 

“Goodnight, please keep watching over me, my dear.”

  
  



	12. Intermisson Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's play, spot the Awakening references.

A dead bishop clutched a letter in his hand. Praying it out of his rigor mortis wrecked hand was no easy task. Mercedes persisted and eventually retrieved the letter, although she did tear it a little. 

Dated Imperial Year 1182 and it’s contents were addressed to the man’s wife. It explained he was on the way to Charon’s territory. It also said he would be back soon but soldiers or bandits changed the ending of his story. 

The Ashen Demon promised something similar. 

“I feel for you friend, I’ll find a way to get this letter back to your wife. If she knows you loved her then she’ll be able to move on. Unlike me” 

She pocketed the letter then continued down the road. At last, she was at the Kingdom’s border. Soon she would live as a woodswoman no more but return to the life of a noble lady. She could only speculate her adoptive father’s reaction when he sees her. 

Her clothes weathered by the two years in the wild were naturally in taters. Likewise, she had lost quite a bit of weight so her features protruded more. Of course, the biggest change of all was her perception of the world. 

Once she had been naive and trustworthy to an almost pathetic fault. She still believed that people were still inherently righteous. However, very few were righteous enough to put themselves on the line in order to save someone else. Had Mercedes not fallen into a dark, internal void then she’d be the same so she never held grudges. At least that's what she told herself.

As the Healer walked she gazed up at the clouds above. She could always take comfort in the sky as it could never be changed. They also say beyond the sky is heaven. If that was so then it meant that it was her dear’s set of eyes. 

“Did you ever visit the Kingdom Byleth? I can’t remember if you said you did or not. If you were still here I’d take you to Fhirdiad. I think you'd love that city.”

Her eyes remained fixated on the sky until the sound of her feet crossing liquid drew her attention. A pit formed in her stomach. Whatever it was seeped through a hole in her shoe. It wasn’t the sensation of water. 

She slowly looked down to find she had stepped in a puddle of blood. Their source lay nearby, more corpses. A bandit trap? Did they kill the bishop as well? More alarming was the freshness of the blood. 

There weren’t many places to hide in this barren, shrubbery covered road. But then that begged the question, where were the rogues coming from?

Regardless, she didn’t trust that they had up and left so soon. It was then that she had a creative if not morbid solution. Pretend to be one of the dead. With a big gulp to prepare herself, she leaned down and wiped some blood off one of them. She proceeded to smear herself with it. The worst was yet to come as now she had to join the pile. 

Goddess, it still smelled rancid even though they hadn’t been dead long. It ended up being a smart choice as she heard voices behind her.

“Man! This has been one Ailell of a batch!” The voice of a gruff sounding woman announced. 

“No kidding, when was the last time we had to take two trips to drop off the loot?” Replied a man’s voice. 

“It’s all thanks bandit king Gangrel. Crazy bastard, how’d you come up with the whole dirt pit thing?” The woman proclaimed 

Now the pieces fit, they were ambushing people from pits they had dug in the ground. 

“Heh, it’s all just tricks of the trade. This road’s perfect cause nobles and merchants use it. I’ll tell you, I ain’t never going back to robbin’ poor ass villagers.” 

The sensation of the bodies rocking against Mercedes as the gang looted them was sickening. 

The woman’s voice playfully spoke her next words.

“Oooh boy, here comes the fiftieth renderdation of how Gangrel looted the richest dead at the battle of Garreg Mach.”

Mercedes had to keep herself from squirming at the mention of that dreaded day. 

Gangrel’s other minion added mockingly, “Them Noble dumbasses decided to go into battle with their fournates in their pockets. Even their bloody weapons brought in big money!” 

Gangrel laughed “Damn right they did, I don’t know the other rouges didn’t think of it. I swear half the nobility was lying dead!” 

A horrible image popped up in Mercedes’s mind. This scumbag of a human digging through the Ashen Demon’s body. Completely ignorant to the sacrifice she had made to protect common folk like him. How dare he treat her like a shabby chest, like a get rich quick scheme. 

“Guys...I don’t recognize this one…” 

In a sense, she was glad they found her out. Now she could unleash her blood boiling rage. 

Acting in a flash, she launched Seraphim at the woman. Apparently, her resistance was zip because she flew several feet away from the pile.

“Aversa!” 

The two men were equally as shocked and were frozen in place. Mercedes rose up and aimed another spell straight at their leader. Unlike Aversa, he deflected it. This was going to be messy.

The mad lad charged at her, Mercedes quickly grabbed Aversa’s sword off the ground. 

“Lassie, you ain’t gotta be able to slay me with that dagger.” He taunted, probably hoping to scare her off. All she felt right though was unmitigated anger.

“You’re right.” 

She instead flung the weapon at him which startled him. She knew he was going to dodge it so she had to act quick. That meant pulling up the strongest tool at her disposal, Abraxas. The bandit king was engulfed in a burning light and screamed as it came down. 

When the light dissipated, the king was a bloody wreck. Writhing in pain but still alive, Mercedes wasn’t satisfied. She stomped over and picked up the king’s much larger sword. Kneeling down besides him, she wanted the last words he ever heard make him regret his life. 

“Once you're dead, you want me to search through your body? Take all your important heirlooms so they never end up in your family’s hands again?” 

“I never...killed anybody…I’m just trying to make it in this goddess forsaken world.” 

“That’s your excuse? When Garreg Mach came down I lost everything that made me happy. I only have the memory left. I don’t need parasites like you ruining it.” 

Before he could open his vile mouth again, she stuck a sword in throat. She shifted focus to the last remaining member of the gang. He cowered in fear, not even with a weapon drawn. 

“Guess you didn’t like them much.” Mercedes said as she slowly approached. 

“I-I-I never wanted to be a thief! My business was destroyed and I didn’t have a choice!” 

Her already disdainful scowl soured even more. 

“Your boss already gave me that excuse.” 

“I have a family to consider!” 

Mercedes paused, it could’ve been a lie to save himself but did she want to inflict the same agony she felt everyday. 

“Do you have someone you live for? Someone who you couldn’t live without?” 

The man pulled a voodoo doll out of his pocket. Odd but it clicked with his next words.

“Yes, my son Henry. If you let me go, I’ll never loot another body again!” 

She decided it was proof enough. She still didn’t want to look at his face much longer.

“Fine, go.” 

Happily obligating, he bolted away. Mercedes stared back up at the sky.

“I hope you’re not disappointed in me. I hope you’d still treat me the same. Even though I’m not your gentle healer anyway. I’m sorry Byleth.” 


	13. Intermission Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and hits

The road back had been delayed even further since the Kingdom split at the seams. She never expected to be a stranger in her own homeland. Though, how surprised could she really be at this point? If anything she was more annoyed that the political situation slowed her travels down even more. 

Nonetheless, here she stood at the gates of Baron Bartels’s property. Naturally, the guards approached her and spewed the same lines the other paranoid folk yelled at her. Unlike the others, they did eventually come to recognize her. 

“Lady Bartels! You’re alive! Oi! Inform the Baron of her arrival immediately!” 

The guards lead her inside. The manor although moderately sized in terms of noble establishments, appeared far larger to her. Something about the entire atmosphere caused her great discomfort.

Her adoptive father greeted her and hugged her, speaking some words of how grateful to the goddess he was. Nothing felt real, she could only give half-baked responses. 

Eventually, the Baron allowed her a chance to clean herself up. She disposed of her Garreg Mach uniform, it was a miracle it was still in one piece. 

Before she entered the bathhouse, she examined herself in a nearby mirror. She looked exactly as she expected, sunken, exhausted with the light taken out of her eyes. 

“I don’t know if I was ever considered attractive but my don’t I look like a wreck.” 

Mercedes chuckled to herself as she threw her head down. 

“I know you never cared but you were so naturally beautiful.”

Not wanting to view herself again she proceeded into the water. 

As Mercedes relaxed, she couldn’t help but remember the night of the ball. The grip she had on her dear’s curvy waist. The warmth of her body as the two swayed together. The look in her ocean blue eyes which made Mercedes's heart pound. 

“Ah...I want to hold you again. If I could, I don’t think I’d ever let you go.” 

The Healer studied her reflection once more in the water. Another memory flooded her mind. When she searched for the professor after the Battle of the Eagle and Lion. It wasn’t necessarily a pleasant memory but that image of the Ashen Demon serenely floating along the river. She’d dream of that scene occasionally. 

In that dream, the two of them embraced in the water. Feeling both Byleth’s rough skin alongside the cool water made for a soothing combination. The ending was always the same. Mercedes joined their lips together as they sunk into the depths.

“I should’ve stuck to your back.” 

Having finished her not quite as relaxing as she hoped bath. She knew it was time for the anticipated meeting. It was impressive how such a large feast could be prepared in this short a time. It seemed far too surreal to be greeted with well made food having lived off of scraps for years. 

She could hardly make a dent in her first plate. The act was made even harder since she had to answer the Baron and company’s questions.

“My you poor dear! Having to flee Garreg Mach alone must’ve been scary!” 

“No way, you a survivalist expert now? We’ll have to spoil ya rotten!” 

Goddess, they were so annoying. None of them probably gave her any thought these past three years but now they wanted to shower her with pity?

Besides, she really just was waiting for that dreaded yet inevitable question. 

“So, when do you want to start looking at proposals? There’s a lot of great bachelors out there right now.” 

She dragged her fork across her plate which created a scraping sound. Clearly, this made her adoptive father and guests nervous. 

“We...we can wait a little while a guess but…” 

She made the scraping sound again. Her disdain spread across her face. 

“Did something happen at the academy?” 

It was an innocent enough question, from the outside looking in anyway. The reason behind her odd, passive aggression was known to only her. There was no doubt she’d toughen up but her core submissive uncertainty still remained. Her guilt caught up to her for creating this scene.

“I’m sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been surrounded by so many people. I’m a little nervous. Give me some more time and I’ll look into those proposals.” 

Nothing about what she said sounded authentic but the nobles still brought it. After that torturous dinner ended, she looked a mirror for the third time. This one was located in her bedroom. 

“I asked you once, what was happiness. That shifty look in your eyes as you answered made me think you were lying. Either way, your answer rings true more than ever. If only I had the strength to live by it like you.”

Mercedes leaned into the mirror,

“To live free of the judgment of others. I can only try my dear.” 

She picked a letter opener lying on the dresser. Impulsively but freely, she used it to cut off most of her blonde locks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was watching Kitchen Nightmares while writing this so you have Gordon Ramsay to thank for the word arse.


	14. Intermission - END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring a surprise guest

The bells of a small church tolled. Mercedes stayed with her adoptive father for a few months but eventually, she became too restless. The war gave her more excuses to deliberate getting married. Yet even the idea hanging over her became too much so she started volunteering at churches. 

Being busy again with church work did her a world of good. Her passion for white magic and her belief in the goddess were slowly being reignited. It helped fill the void the last years instilled into her. Of course, not all wounds closed up. 

When the nuns discovered her habit of talking to the dead, they immediately became uneasy around her. They thought not saying anything would hide how disturbed they were. Although, oddly Mercedes didn’t blame them but rather agreed with them. At least to some extent. 

It was strange to talk to no one but yourself. It wasn’t sane to take refuge in a fantasy. It can’t be healthy to live for a memory. 

She didn’t have a stable workplace and bounced from place to place. Right now she was along the border between the Alliance and the Kingdom. Naturally, her guard was up. So when she heard rustling and a horse grunt, she was instantly alarmed. 

Placing her steps carefully to minimize the amount of noise she made. She tried her best to see through the foliage but to no avail. There were two options, wait until it was too late or get it over with quick.

The first time she ever conjured up a combat spell, the distinctive heat almost caused her pain. Now it was almost the opposite, the tingling felt oddly nice. 

Armed with the spell, she blindly charged through until she came into contact with…

“Marianne?!” 

“Mercedes!?” 

Her horse reared up at the sight of the crazy bishop. 

“Dorte! Dorte! It’s alright!” 

Mercedes didn’t know if inching closer to the pair would be wise or not. Eventually, the dilemma solved itself thanks to Marianne’s talent with animals. She also was the first to break the silence surprisingly. 

“I...this is...unexpected…”

“Yes, what are the odds.” 

The Healer still wasn’t completely comfortable. After all, former classmate or not, she could still be an enemy. For now, she just had to wait and see. 

“Are you not concerned with how close you are to the Kingdom border?” 

“I’m completely neutral. I don’t support any army.” 

The pacifist act, not the most convincing. Then again, Marianne from an outwardly appearance did seem detached from any political going-ons. Though that was back at the academy. 

“Is...everything alright?”

“You’ll have to forgive me. I was lost in thought.”

“Err...where are you going?” 

“No set destination, I’ve just been offering random churches my assistance.” 

Marianne perked up a little.

“I see, I’ve been traveling around.” 

The other healer hopped up on her horse and took a few steps until she was besides Mercedes. 

“I-I know of a nearby cathedral, we can, er, go there together if you’d like.” 

Traces of her characteristic shy, gloomy nature stayed but something about Marianne suggested she had far more confidence. 

“You sure that wouldn’t stress your steed out too much?” 

“Oh no, Dorte will be fine as long as I’m with him. Plus he’s quite strong.” 

As apprehensive as Mercedes felt, a free ride would be quite helpful. If things turned nasty, she could probably best Marianne.

“Alright, you’ve convinced me.” 

With that, Mercedes hopped on Dorte, and off they went. The view from horseback ended up being stunning. Being off her worn feet was an added bonus too. Though, thinking over Marianne’s earlier words, she realized something strange. 

“Say, why would you decide to travel during a war?” 

Mercedes could see Marianne cletch the reins tightly. Unconsciously she felt a spell coming, she was sure a shuffle was inevitable.

“I’m not traveling for superficial reasons. I’m...looking for someone. I left things unfinished between us.”

The blush that spread to her ears was too telling. 

Mercedes sighed, “I see how it is. In a way I’m envious.” 

“Envious?” 

Great, now she stuck her foot in her mouth. 

“I had someone I liked but I hesitated too long. Now she’s gone and I’m haunted by mistakes. It’s been four years yet I still can’t get over it. It’s pathetic but I’ve become too dependent on the memories.” 

When was she telling her all this? They never were close, they hardly knew the other existed. Then again, wasn’t that the best person to spill it out too? Marianne interrupted her train of thought.

“I’m not the best with words but what I can say is that regrets truly never disappear. I thought I’d be able to forget everything I never got to say. I kept trying to push it to the back of my mind but ironically it became the only thing I thought about. It must be worse for you since that person is...gone.” 

Mercedes patted Marianne on the shoulder from her position behind her. 

“You know, I think you spoke more words just now than your entire time at the monastery.” 

Marianne laughed quietly 

“I guess I did come off as a little anti-social.” 

“I suppose I’m seen in the same way now.” 

“Huh?” 

Mercedes went on to explain what she had been doing these last years. Marianne also exchanged tales from the past. 

“Wow, you’ve been through so much. I don’t think I’d be able to handle that.” 

Mercedes stretched her arms out. The relief from unloading all that baggage cleared the air immensely. 

“It was difficult at first but honestly, I think I would recover from the whole ordeal if not for…” 

The Healer paused, she wasn’t really thinking this was she?

“If you could move on?” 

Mercedes winched, since when was Marianne this direct? 

“I don’t want her to fade away to some corner of my mind.” 

“You think pain is the best way to hold onto her?” 

The Demon did her best to ensure she had a comfortable, safe existence. These past few years would’ve broken her heart. The worst was that Mercedes only realized that now. 

“What would you do, Marianne?” 

“Oh...I would at least now...I suppose I would return to the site. So I could face all those terrible memories, and come to terms with it.” 

Mercedes glanced up to the clear blue sky. Her answer was that simple huh. The two talked more until they reached her destination. 

“Thank you so much Marianne for everything. You ever considered being a counselor?”

Marianne laughed nervously

“I don’t think I’m quite that confident in my people skills yet for that.” 

“One final thing, when you find him again. It might be overwhelming but no matter what, let it all out. You never know when the hourglass will run out.” 

Their paths separated again. The Healer wanted her journey to come to an end where it began, Garreg Mach Monsterary.

  
  
  



	15. War Phase - Reunion at Dawn

Once she was dazzled by Garreg Mach’s magnificent architecture. Seeing it in pieces on the floor, drained of its life and color was depressing. What else was she expecting though? 

She climbed up into the Cathedral of all ironic things. Her exhaustion got the better of her so she lied on the stony floor. 

“Mercie?!” Ignoring the fact that she hadn’t been called that in five years, the volume of the voice gave her a jolt. She flopped around then remembered how to use her feet. 

“Annie? I almost didn’t recognize you.” 

Annette waved her hands in a dramatic fashion. 

“Me?! What about you! Look at you!” 

Mercedes scratched the back of her head nervously. Annette continued on

“I thought I’d be the only coming. Especially since the Millennium Festival obviously isn’t happening.” 

That was right, five years ago the Lions promised to have a reunion. A loud shouting in the distance broke both their thoughts. 

Annette shouted, “Let’s go check it out!”

When they arrived, the Healer’s eyes locked on one person. Everything else in the world disintegrated. 

  
  
  
  


_ “How long do you intend to sleep boulderhead?”  _

“ _ Sothis? I had the weirdest dream that you were…” _

It was then that Byleth opened her eyes to find some farmer guy she’d never known looking at her like she was an alien. 

“Course it wasn’t a dream.” 

The Ashen Demon stood up and marched off. The generic farmer’s boy called out to her.

“Wait! Garreg Mach is that way. That place is nothing but a den for thieves now.” 

Byleth paused before turning around. 

“Since when?”

“Uhhh...since it was invaded five years ago…” 

Suddenly everything came back to her.

“Five years?” 

She bolted for the hills literally, nothing felt real. 

“Hey! You forgot your...sword? Whip?” 

Forgetting a legendary, holy weapon wasn’t a good start. She rushed back down to the river, tripped but still received the sword. 

After that, everything became more surreal. She came across a very unstable Dimitri shouting at dead people. The monastery is a pile of rubble and now they’re fighting off Anna’s rival.

It didn’t feel like it was happening to her. She was brought back to reality by someone rushing towards her. At first, this tolled her alarm bells, until she recognized who it was, the Healer.

Mercedes picked up Byleth by the waist and swung her around. Words could not describe how overjoyed she was. Byleth on the other hand became more disoriented. Eventually, Mercedes’s high wore off enough to lower the Demon. 

“I bet I’m hallucinating again~” Mercedes exclaimed in a weirdly cheerful voice. In a less enthusiastic tone, Byleth added “Dream or reality, we’re still on a battlefield.” 

Glad to see the Ashen Demon was still as matter of fact as always. The battle was over in a flash. The Lions caught Byleth up on everything. Mercedes followed her like a hound. Byleth knew she had to have a private talk with her. 

Half of the dormitories were destroyed so many of the Lions had to room together. Which was a perfect chance for the two. When the night rose, the Demon silently led the Healer back to her room. Byleth sat on the bed trying to comprehend everything. 

“I didn't know what to say when I saw you back there, Mercedes and I still don’t really know what’s going on. How could I sleep for five years? Wait, that means you’re twenty eight now right? Damn…” 

Mercedes knelt down on the ground in front of her, so she could look into her eyes. The Healer was astounded by the fact that she really was exactly the same. Byleth too took in her former protege’s appearance. 

Her getup truly gave her the impression of a holy woman. Though the veil that fell over her shoulders seemed alluring. She was distracted by that distracting thought when she noticed Mercedes’s eyes welling up. 

“Oi...Mercedes are you ok?” 

The next thing she knew, the Healer started sobbing up a storm. In her lap no less.

“I’m…*hic*...sorry. I just-jus-just missed you so much! I thought for sure you were dead! I talked to you every day, every single day. You were the only reason I could keep going!” 

Mercedes’s sodding got more intense. Byleth had no idea she’d caused her this much pain. It made her feel terrible. Yet all she could was stroke the back of her head. Touching the back of her newly exposed neck. 

“I’m sorry” was all she managed to squeak out.

“No, it’s not your fault. I just need to tell you…” 

The Healer stopped midsentence, what she did shocked the Demon even more. 

Mercedes had planted a gentle kiss on her lips. 

  
  



	16. War Phase - Terms and Conditions

The random act of affection stunned the Demon a little bit too much. She pushed Mercedes off, a little harder than she wanted to. Now she had done it. 

“I’m sorry! My reflexes are still way too good...and no one else has ever done that. Didn’t know what to think…” It was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. She never thought about romance enough to pursue it. Now it was staring her in the face, literally.

Mercedes’s reaction wasn’t nearly as heartbroken as one would expect. Considering the love of her who had disappeared for five years and kept her from tying the noose, shoved her off a bed. Bizarrely, she let out a laugh. 

“I forgot how surprisingly shy you are.” 

The Ashen Demon blushed, more like inexperienced. She noticed the Healer’s expression turning solemn again which worried her. 

“I couldn’t resist, I've had to bury my emotions in my chest. When I saw you, alive, they all flooded out.”

Mercedes’s cap had fallen off, allowing Byleth to ruffle her hair like old times. 

“Why would you do that? Or in better words, why did you handle your grief that way? I’m not trying to be a hypocrite. I’ve always been this way, imperturbable. It’s not perfect but it fits with my character, that’s why it helps me out in tough times. You, on the other hand, you were always so gentle and caring. Guess I influenced you in the worst way possible.” 

The Demon shocked herself by how long her rant (?) had gone on. In a sense, it was introspective for the both of them. Living lives this strange and crazy gives you a lot to think about after all. She still hasn't even got a response from her companion. 

“I wasn’t myself. I only felt despair and anger. I began too attached to the image I had of you. Though, now that I’m head in front of the real you again...I realize the possibility that you may not feel the same.”

Byleth wasn't going to pretend she understood it, but even she knew that their relationship wasn’t exactly friendship. Unless the average friendship meant doing everything in your unnatural power to protect them. Oh and prioritizing her over the King. 

It seemed simple but there were some external factors to consider. She didn’t want to tell Mercedes this but she wasn’t sure if her body could handle being a vestal. After all, if she could randomly fall into a coma, didn’t that mean she could also randomly drop dead? 

It wasn’t fair to give her hope then put her through that kind of pain again. Yet it was unequally unfair to leave her without a clear answer. She held her head in hands, continually racking her brain.

“You don’t have to strain yourself over me, Byleth.” 

“No it’s…” 

The Demon stopped midsentence has she had her eureka moment.

“Would you be up for an agreement?” 

Mercedes didn’t do a good job hiding her confusion.

“Allow me to elaborate, if the both of us survive this war, then by the end of it we can...err...be together yeah...that.” 

Saying that out loud was way too embarrassing for the passionless Demon. She half expected the Healer to pounce on her again but she sat there with a satisfied expression. 

“Course, it’s still a rather one sided deal. I’d be willing to step out my comfort zone in exchange for making you wait.” 

Mercedes smiled and leaned in close to her former teacher’s face.

“I won’t do anything too crazy, but I would like to indulge myself, as selfish as it is.” 

Byleth tried her hardest not to advert her eyes. This may end up being more difficult than expected. 

“I guess we should start by sharing a bed.” 

For the Gentle Healer, those simple words were proof enough that the Ashen Demon would keep her promise. 

The two of them didn’t have much to say after that so they silently crept into bed. When the moon shone overhead from the room’s small window, Byleth knew that midnight had arrived. She couldn’t sleep, nervous over having impulsively entered this bizarre, awkward arrangement.

Someone else was giddy as well. 

“Can I ask you something Byleth?” 

“Can’t sleep either I see, go ahead.” 

“Years ago when I offered the same thing you seemed I guessed scared of it...for lack of a better word.” 

“No, scared is the right word. I was freaked out at the idea of someone feeling that way about me. I’m not confident in that department if you know what I mean. So I denied it, simple as that.” 

Mercedes let out her signature giggle.

“You have such a caring heart.”

That was a new one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ew, too many words and can I not keep screwing up my chapter titles.


	17. War Phase - Drunken Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a break from the more serious tone. Enjoy dark humor and drunken hijacks

“I’ve been using Ailell as a swear word since I was six. Now that I’m here, it’s actually not as terrible as I thought it’d be.” 

Byleth stated with a straight face while the lava bubbles surrounding them popped in a violent, fiery fashion. 

Mercedes would like to believe that it was her confidence and not her occasionally oblivious nature. Though it was still sorta cute, even in this horrid environment.

“I sorta expected to see people burning and screaming out in pain but apparently in these parts, torment means it’s very, very hot.” 

That remained Mercedes of something. 

“Should we be worried about Dimitri?” 

The Demon glanced over at the lunatic king. 

“Yeah, that cape made of whichever dead animal is a major fire hazard. He might burst into flames any minute.” 

“That’s not what I meant—”

Before the Healer could explain she bumped into Byleth’s back. Being taller allowed her to glance over her shoulder, noticing what she had been focusing on. A sizable private army standing on the cliff.

Mercedes let out a heavy, unimpressed sigh.

“I’m guessing they’re not on our side.” 

The Ashen Demon let out a weird snort, laugh.

“Someone’s intuition has gotten significantly better.” 

Their bored babbling promptly came to the end as the band approached. Intentionally or unintentionally, this would prove to be an opportunity for Mercedes to show off her new magical talents. 

Mercedes had mastered the art of looking helpless. Which allowed her to set a trap for the charging Great Knights. 

One’s initial instinct would be to attack automatically. If one were to examine their general patterns closer, they’d notice that there was only one time they were vulnerable. That crucial moment came right before when they attacked and their iron defense was broken. 

Sure enough, once one of those armored beasts fell, it was like an endless train of them collapsed before her. 

The Healer heard a noise behind her. Swift but it was quickly canceled out by the sound of an arrow being slashed apart. It was funny, before she stuck to Byleth’s back but now she fought up against it.

The smug snipers here thought they were being clever by stationing themselves behind the lava. True they were out of the Sword of the Creator’s range, but the Ashen Demon wasn’t that easily defeated. 

Jeralt the Blade Breaker probably should’ve been known as Jeralt the Drunken Dart Thrower. He blatantly claimed it was a skill he developed at the tavern. As it turned out, throwing weapons is much the same as throwing darts. Didn’t take long for her to pick it up. 

The hard thing was finding a suitable arrow. Those who were patient almost always got their way though. Having collected a couple of projectiles, she decided to see if her aiming held up. 

After a moment’s hesitation, she launched the sharpened points at one of the snipers. It hit him right in the throat. 

“I’ll count that as ten points.” 

Pulling out another one, her next target was the archer next to him looking on in abject horror. Without any time to wait, she fired away. This one struck the archer in the eye. She flailed around for a bit before tripping into the lava.

“Poor bastard, twenty points.” 

The last sniper took a shot at Byleth but luck was not on his side today. The Ashen Demon using her freakish reflexes caught it midair. She gave the sniper a mocking raising of the eyebrows before firing. It landed smack down in the middle of his forehead. 

“Bullseye”

Mercedes clapped slowly in applause.

“Perhaps we should start incorporating more sports into battle? Might make the bloodshed a little more fun.” 

Byleth put her hands on her hips and laughed.

“Never thought I’d hear anything like that come out of you.” 

”Over the years, I've come to appreciate your sense of humor.” 

Before Byleth could respond the chaos of the battlefield caught up to them. When it died down and the gang arrived back at Garreg Mach they ended up continuing over a drink.

“Thanks to my father, Jeralt the functioning alcoholic, goddess blessed, I know all the best ale brands.” 

“I only started drinking recently.” 

“Wow, You’ve really grown over the years huh?” 

Mercedes looked down at her reflection in the cup. 

“Maybe I’ve changed too much…”

Byleth had already frighteningly downed one mug.

She was still listening though. 

“What do ya mean?” 

“I know you already said yes but..I’m not really the same. I’m still worried you won’t like the new me.” 

The Drinking Demon went through another two rounds. She knew what she wanted to say but it might not come out eloquently. 

“*Hicc* Naaaah, actually I think–”

She almost fell off her chair. 

“I think you’re more my type now honestly haha aaah”

The Healer didn’t know what she was more embarrassed by, her words or her drunken stupor.

Byleth reached for another drink.

“I think you’ve had enough…”

Too late, it had begun.

“I like cynical pessimists but alsoooo people with the caring dementor of grans ya know? Perfect combo!”

“Please stop.” 

“Ya also got sexier man! I didn’t know I had a neck feeetish till now!

Mercedes felt like getting wasted herself. Hand covering her burning face, she offered her own drink to the Demon. After a few more she was out. Finally, there is a thing such as knowing too much. Even if it comes from the one you love.

  
  



	18. War Phase - Part my titles are getting worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With everyone’s uncle Rodrigue

It had been at least a month since the agreement began. Despite sharing a bed for many nights,

Byleth still jumped when their bodies came into contact. She felt guilty for constantly kicking Mercedes by accident, even though she never woke up.

The Demon, on the other hand, was easily awoken. Too many thoughts barged into her head when she saw the silhouette of the woman next to her. 

The war was stressful enough, but the promise of a lifelong commitment rivaled it. Byleth always had a bad habit of thinking too far ahead. Even back in the academy, she tried to plan for the years following her first class’s graduation. 

Sothis repeatedly told her not to worry about it as no one could predict the future. Damn was she right. Yet the thoughts still invaded her mind. 

Would she be a suitable partner? Would she have to accept the life of a noblewoman? Would she be able to bear that responsibility? 

Now she was restless and found herself wanting to take a walk. She wriggled over Mercedes, who still slept like a boulder. Only one more hurdle to go, the door. 

Kept touching the doorknob over and over, complementing how to turn it without making any noise. Then she tripped over nothing, causing the biggest commotion she possibly could. Sothis’s laugh echoed throughout her head. On the bright side, at least she was outside. 

She fled the scene into the winter night. The persistently nippy air gave her something else to focus on at least. Eventually, she wandered into the cathedral, where she spotted a man in the darkness. 

He sensed her presence as well.

“Ah, Professor Byleth.” 

“Rodrigue, you weren’t even my student. Besides, I never really was a proper professor.” 

He let out a hearty laugh.

“Nonsense, you lead those kids well. Raised them into fine young men and women.” 

The remorseful expression on the Demon’s face gave away her silent dilemma. 

“Ah, sorry, did your year at the academy leave you with lingering regrets?”

Byleth grunted in discomfort.

“I suppose we all have unfinished business from five years ago.” 

The lord started unloading his baggage about his elder son and Felix. Why did everyone decide to tell her their tragic backstories? She never understood it and never will. 

She supposed an older, wiser man would be a suitable candidate for asking advice.

“Hey, fatherhood is a pretty serious thing and I assume you’ve had a partner at some point…”

Rodrigue’s eyes widened.

“Who got you pregnant?” 

“No! When would I even have time to get knocked up? Second on the list!” 

The blue haired noble breathed a sigh of relief. 

“You’re asking me about marriage?” 

That word struck a chord with her. Suddenly the meaning of the ring she always kept with her became crystal clear.

“I, something like that.” 

He laughed again then put his arm around her shoulders. Much to her protest.

“Ah, I suppose for the young it may seem both exciting yet terrifying.” 

“It’s more the latter for me. I’m not good at things like that. In addition, me and my mystery suitor have a rather unusual track record…” 

She supposed it was time for her to explain the details of her life. Rodrigue was patient and understanding.

“My, my, I see this predicament isn’t a simple one. Love and pain often are intertwined. Likewise, marriage is a complicated manner. It’s not all it’s made out to be, it’s a constant tango between personal desires and comprises. But believe me, a good union will make you grow as a person.”

Byleth stared down at the floor. Unsure what to do.

“Look, I was in your shoes once. Scared of the uncertainty, but pain, anger, and discomfort are the emotions which makes us human. So you can’t be afraid when they show up in your relationship.” 

Dimitri didn’t see the obvious answer in front of him. Blinded by his regret and his grief. Byleth ended up the being the same, unable to break free of the invisible cage she kept herself in. 

The Ashen Demon laughed

“I’ve got a terrible habit of making things overly complicated.” 

“It’s funny how once it’s laid out in front of you. Suddenly your problems seem a lot more trivial.” 

“Damn right.” 

The two wished each other good night and Byleth returned to her room. She hopped back into the bed. Before she turned in, she put an arm over her future bride. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m wrapping up Byleth’s arc, soon.


	19. War Phase - Gronger Filed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended being insanely long but it's that delicious Gronder Field angst.

The Healer and The Demon both thought this was surreal. Standing on Gronder Field, facing off against their former classmates again. Only this time, they probably wouldn’t end things laughing over a celebratory feast. 

Byleth did her best to drill the plan into Dimitri’s head. Don’t rush ahead at Edelgard until the battlefield had cleared out a little.

What did he do? Charge straight at Bernadetta frothing at the month. 

“Damn it!” The Ashen Demon shouted. Just as she feared, his actions resulted in an explosion of chaos. 

Screams echoed around them, soldiers clashed into each other endlessly. Their bodies and blood replaced the green grass. 

“Mercedes! Stay close to me! Alert me if anyone comes up behind us!” 

“Don’t worry! No one is taking you from me again…” 

Like a well oiled machine, the two disposed of their enemies at an alarming pace. 

The Demon used her whip sword to dismount Pegasus Knights. Sending them tumbling to the ground and often breaking their necks. 

The Paladins that charged at the Healer were encased in a golden light. The last light they shall ever see. 

“How you holding up?” 

Mercedes was huffing and puffing but was still unharmed.

“Good, how about you my—”

A massive explosion behind them blinded them. 

The Healer’s ears rang and her vision went dark. Thankfully, this lapse of consciousness was short lived. 

“Byle...Byleth?” She waited but panic soon set in. She had no idea what happened. “Byleth?! Where are you?!” 

She slipped and fell to the ground. She heard footsteps approaching.

“Byleth?” 

Suddenly an axe came down on her arm. It didn’t cut it off, thank the goddess, it still left a nasty gash though. The axe’s pulsating red center suggested it was a Hero’s Relic. Hilda sauntered into view.

“Oh, Hi Mercedes, and sorry.” 

She picked up her cumbersome weapon again and started to swing at her. Thanks to Hilda’s slow speed she dodged easily even with a mangled arm. However, she couldn’t buy herself enough time to cast a counterspell. 

Hilda growled in frustration. Mercedes figured it was a matter of endurance but Hilda wasn’t that simple anymore. The Goneril girl threw down her weapon and threw a heavy punch at Mercedes’s face. It hurt like Ailell but it didn’t knock her over. 

When Hilda swung again, Mercedes grabbed the hilt of her weapon. With a burst of fearful strength, she managed to turn the tables. She threw off Hilda’s balance and caused her to fall into the fire on the central hill. 

The animalistic shrieks she let out as her body was set ablaze would haunt her to dying days. Hilda then dashed wildly into the fray. 

She was nauseous but she had to find the Demon ASAP. 

  
  
  


The Ashen Demon with ash in her eyes fumbled about trying to see in front of her. She eventually fell down one of the small slopes. It almost knocked her clean out. 

She wouldn’t give up though. Not when she knew her beloved was in danger. She made her way through the smoke, choking on it as she went along. 

“Mercedes! Mercedes!” 

She called her name over and over again praying to the goddess that she hadn't strayed too far from her. 

Eventually, she spotted a burst of light through the thick darkness.

She sprinted through, trying to claw her way to the source of the light. She finally made her way to a clearing, it was still smokey and hard to breathe but the visibility was slightly better. 

Unfortunately, she ended up on the opposite side of the central hill. The light wasn’t the Healer’s, it was the Prodigy’s, Lysithea’s spells. 

She was one of the worst people the Demon could run across alone. Even back during her academy days, Lysithea was a force to be reckoned with. Goddess knows how powerful her magic must be now. 

The Ashen Demon proceeded with caution. Lysithea on the other hand didn’t hesitate. She immediately aimed Hades Ω at her. Byleth had to act as quick as she possibly could. Based on where Lysithea’s hand was aiming, she probably wanted to throw her off by directing it towards the left. 

Sure enough, she did and Byleth jumped to the right. Then another popped up behind her so she stayed still. Lysithea kept casting spells in every direction but Byleth was always one step ahead of her. 

Gradually she snaked her way closer to the Prodigy. She raised the Sword of the Creator up high. Ironically, Byleth used a similar trick to fell the Prodigy. 

While Lysithea prepared another spell to defend herself with. The Demon suddenly aimed lower and before Lysithea could understand it, she was swept off her feet. 

It may have been considered dishonorable to stroke someone while they're down but in this case, there was no choice. 

Byleth whipped Lysithea again then proceeded to kick and stomp her. It was tearing her apart yet she knew she had to finish it. She slashed her former acquaintance repeatedly until her body looked like a well used cutting board. 

Lysithea tried to speak but the immense pain prevented her from doing so. Byleth had to cut her throat. 

Then the Demon screamed out as something struck her leg. In the corner of her eye, she saw Aymr. Edelgard had a blank look on her face. She too was badly injured. 

The Empress raised her axe again, ready to strike again. Dimitri’s crazed yelling could be heard clearly and it was getting closer. Edelgard lowered her weapon and picked up Lysithea, disappearing into the madness. 

Byleth used her sword as a support to stand up. The pain was unbearable. 

“There you are! Thank the goddess!” 

Byleth turned to turn around only to collapse. Mercedes fell down with her. It was then that the Demon noticed her arm. 

“Who did that to you?! I’ll kill them! No, I’ll ruin them!” 

Mercedes reached out and touched her face.

“Don’t worry about it. They fell into a fire already.” 

Byleth embraced the Healer, doing her best not to touch her arm. Now it was Mercede’s turn to ask the question.

“What happened to your leg?”

“I got axed.” 

The Healer laughed aloud.

“So did I!” 

The Demon started laughing too. 

“Alright, do your magic. Since it’ll heal ya too.”

She obliged and she was glad to have her crest for once. It still ached but Byleth stood up and picked up Mercedes. Whose shock couldn’t be hidden.

“The battle’s over. I’m getting us out of this goddess damned place.” 

The Healer already knew what place she had in mind. The river’s waters remained the same even when the rest of the world seemed to be falling apart. 

Byleth sat down but didn’t release Mercedes. Not that she minded, in fact using her good arm she gripped on harder. The Demon finally broke the silence.

“We have parallel scars now. I’m sorry for that, I hate that I couldn't protect you.” 

“I wouldn’t have let anyone touch you either.”

Byleth furrowed her brow. 

“This war...I’m gonna find some way to end it soon. As selfish as it is, I want to do it for your sake.”

Mercedes glanced at the water behind them.

“Then I’m selfish too.”


	20. War Phase - Part Dimitri counseling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mercedes and Byleth help Dimitri and show off their rad Chrraaeatcher Devilopment

The thrumming of the rain was far from a rude awakening. Yet it was an awakening nonetheless. The gentle drips rolled down Byleth’s face as her vision adjusted. 

The first thing that clearly came into view was the Healer. Although she’d be hard to miss considering she was curled up beside her. So wrought with exhaustion they were, they settled for a nap in the grass. 

The Demon knew that however long they’ve been put was probably too long. She started shaking the other woman gently. When that didn’t work she called out in a sarcastic tone. 

“Wakey, wakey, we better meet up with the Lions again before Dimitri starts hallucinating us.” 

Byleth shook her a little more until she heard Mercedes groan a little. 

“Dimitri…I’m still so worried about him…”

“Yeah me too, back at the academy he was such a nice guy. I know even some trace of the old Dimitri must be in there.” 

Mercedes tugged on Byleth’s jacket. Wanting to catch her attention. 

“You know if we want to end the war. We have to save

him from himself.”

“Haven’t Sylvain and Felix already tried their best?” 

“Maybe he could use a new perspective...or two.” 

The Demon had a moment of introspection. When Sothis first appeared within her head, she obeyed every single word she said. Though as time passed, her repeated words turned stale. Even if her warning of how Demon’s self imposed isolation would bite her back rang true. 

“You’re right, as his former professor I haven’t done nearly enough for him.” 

The Healer, always eager to help someone, grabbed Byleth’s hand and went into mission mode. 

They were surprised when they didn’t find the Lunatic King moping in the cathedral as usual. Instead, he was wandering down the path not far from where they were. 

“Oy! Dimitri!” 

Despite Byleth shouting at him, he continued on her merry way while mumbling. 

Mercedes ran up in front of him.

“Dimitri! Look! We’re ok!” 

Dimitri shoved her out of the way. Byleth had to catch her so she wouldn’t have a hard fall. Now the Demon was a wee bit agitated. 

“Hey! We’re here to help!” 

Mercedes kept her from physically touching Dimitri. As she didn’t know how he’d react. It was her turn to do the talking.

“Do you remember what happened with the needles? How you hate that you bent all of them?” 

Dimitri stopped in his tracks. He didn’t turn around nor did he say anything.

“I know I may be a fool for thinking this but I truly believe that you're a gentle soul. You can’t control your strength...you can’t help that you’ve too much compassion.” 

Byleth only thought what the Ailell was she saying? 

“Dimitri...please believe me when I say I know how it feels to be a Flame always burning.”

When Dimitri suddenly flipped around to face her. Malice in his eyes, Byleth gripped her sword. She didn’t want to think the unthinkable could happen but she had to be prepared. The alarm bells in her head rang even louder when he stomped on over to her.

“Don’t compare me to you...you’ve never felt the rage and regret of the dead. Never have had to harbor it for them.” 

Mercedes approaches him and although still unsure of how he’d react, reached out for him. Byleth whispered to her frantically hoping to deter her.

“Don’t, please dear don’t.” 

By that point, Mercedes had already taken one of his hands.

“But I did, just a couple of years ago, I was filled with nothing but anger. I didn’t care how I hurt because I told myself it was nothing compared to what my lost friend had to. I was miserable all the time. Too busy drowning in depression that I couldn’t even carry out justice.”

Dimitri grunted

“Can’t you see? You’re so caught up in their memory that you won’t be able to honorably avenge them.”

The Demon’s heart stopped. She had crossed a line that might just get her killed. 

Dimitri’s growling certainly didn’t put anyone at ease.

“What do you think I should do then?” 

A surprisingly normal answer coming from the unstable lad. 

“You have to clear your heart so that you can see clearly.” 

Byleth, still cautious decided to join in.

“No man is an army and an army can’t be led by someone who can’t think rationally. I thought I could take on everything alone and that ended up nearly getting me killed.” 

The Lunatic squeezed his spear tightly enough to give him white knuckles. 

“This is all I have. It’s all I’ve ever had.” 

It was rare for Byleth to offer physical comfort but she took his other free hand. 

“You have to forgive yourself, you can’t give up and lose yourself. Live for what you believe in.” 

Dimitri paused as he felt the warmth from the two women’s hands. Eventually, he yanked them away and quietly turned around and headed for Garreg Mach.

Byleth was satisfied and it showed on her face. Mercedes on the other hand wore a grim expression. 

“Did we reach him…”

“I think to some extent we did.”


	21. War Phase -How to ruin your standing in the fandom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this my friends is how I get the fangirls to hate me. Oh well least I'm back from the hiatus.

No one predicted that the Black Eagle Strike Force would show up in the flesh at Derdriu. Their arrival along with Arundel’s forces meant the town was quite literally flooded with soldiers. Only unlike Gronder Field, the middlemen, the Deer didn’t fare as well. 

In fact, the worst had happened, they had been completely wiped out. 

The Healer and the Demon didn’t see everyone’s fate but they saw enough to scar them. 

Byleth reran what happened in her head over and over again in a never ending loop. She had in fact turned back time but much like what happened to her father, nothing changed.

Edelgard herself had broken Claude’s bodyguards’ defense line and scuffled with the Alliance’s Leader. In the midst of it, Dimitri joined in the mix, he readied a spear to pierce Edelgard. 

Byleth made the mistake of believing that Dimitri could handle Edelgard on her own. As his projectile flew through the air, the Crimson Empresses maneuvered to use Claude as a human shield. The King’s spear struck him close to the heart. No healing spell could save him at that point.

The spilt second it took for those horrific events to play out seemed to shatter reality around her. Over and over again she was rendered helpless. Yet Sothis’s old words rang through her head. 

_ “If turning back the hands of time was not enough to save his life, you must accept what came to pass was fate.” _

In the end she had to maintain order even as the rest of the Empire’s calvary came to clean up the mess. In the end after securing not a victory but a stalemate she ended up having to console Dimitri. They only just brought him back from the brink of madness. They couldn’t afford to lose him again. 

That didn’t mean the others didn’t weigh heavy on their mind. 

  
  


Mercedes found Marianne’s body amongst the mountain of corpses. A shiver went down her spine, it seemed like that only talked yesterday. Her oddly serene yet lifeless figure, lying atop one of her old classmates in a futile attempt to protect him. 

What disturbed her was that she saw herself succumbing to the same fate. Though, she could at least find some peace knowing that Marianne had likely left no ends untied. In her heart she truly wanted to believe that. 

Hilda was a different story, how she survived Gronder she couldn’t guess. Her face didn’t leave unscathed, it looked as though it had melted and it was her fault. The thought made her sick. How much suffering had the Goneril girl endured before she meant her fate with the lances, axes and swords that pierced her back. 

The thought almost made bile rise to her throat. Threatening to escape and hit the already tainted ground. She didn’t bother regrouping with the others. Immediately she offered her assistance with the undertakers. 

They explained that they wouldn’t bury the bodies until the respective relatives of the dead arrived for a mass funeral. 

Mercedes found herself not wishing to return to Garreg Mach. She told Ingrid that she’d be away until the funeral. Leaving the sky knight before she could ask more questions. 

The outskirts of the ruins that were now Derdriu remained peaceful. That was why Mercedes came to take refuge in nature. No matter what chaos emerged in the human world, nature remained calm. 

The birds that journeyed across the sky during the day gave way to the night orchestra of insects. The cycle continued as she tried to comprehend the horrific

tragedy.

Eventually, someone found her campsite but she knew who it was. 

“I just wanted to tell you that the wake is tomorrow.” 

She didn’t turn to face the Demon, she continued to aimlessly examine her campfire’s flames. 

“Your tent fell over in case you didn’t know.” 

Finally she turned her head and indeed, there laid her pathetic tent. It made her laugh

“Oh and here I thought I’d left behind my old scatterbrained ways.” 

“Thank the goddess I’ve seen someone wear a grin. Those least few days have been grim.” 

Ironically that statement caused her face to darken. 

“I’m sure it’s been rough, I’m sorry I wasn’t there by your side.” 

Byleth took a seat next to the Healer. Staring into the apparently fascinating fire along her. 

“You’re not missing much, no one’s talking to each other. I’ve just been running around trying to figure out what to do next.” 

Mercedes leaned back, shifting through her memories as the flames crackled. 

“Marianne was the one that brought me to you. I would’ve never returned to Garreg Mach had it not been for her.” 

“Yeah, she was nice enough. They all were good kids, mischievous but good.” 

Yet again Mercedes changed positions, she was restless. 

“I disfigured Hilda at Gronder Field. There’s nothing I can do to undo that, repent for it. But I wish I at least got the chance to apologize.” 

The Healer lowered her head into her knees. Tears fell to the ground, ugly tears. 

Byleth cursed time itself on many an occasion. Even though she could manipulate it; it still always screwed her and the ones she loved over someway, somehow. 

All she could do was place a hand on her back and wait for morning to come. 

“Marianne von Edmund, underneath her shy exterior lay a benign, serene heart whose considerate nature saved many in their times of need.” 

Her adoptive father’s statement was short but there was certainly heart behind it. Byleth thought that it suited Marianne’s spirit, like daughter like father she supposed. 

Hilda’s brother was a different story. He went on for what felt like hours and hours. Not to mention he was sobbing and sniffling the whole time.

“To...to warp up, Hilda was a wonderful woman, funny...nice...charismatic…” 

And then he completely broke down. Poor guy Mercedes thought to herself. As it happened, those were the last two readings. Byleth talked with other mourners while Mercedes looked at the portraits of the dead. 

She thought she’d crawled out of the hole of misery she’d fallen into. Yet she felt herself sinking deeper into the dark, silent void. 

No matter how irrational, she couldn’t stop incessantly blaming herself. The staff in her hand and her duty to the goddess began fading back into oblivion. There was a new, uglier thought barging into her head though. One of existence and death. One she wouldn’t acknowledge. 

She had to endure for only a little while longer. 

Unknowingly, fate was preparing the deadliest blow to her psyche. In the form of a man named Jeritza. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did the unthinkable because I wanted to explore different, negative aspects of Edelgard and Claude’s characters in different fics. Disillusionment and corruption arcs are hard to set up my friends, beware.


End file.
